Hope Mike Lindell Has $1.3 Billion Stuffed In One Of His Trusty MyPillows

Fuck around and find out, dude.

They told him, one million times. Dominion Voting Systems said one million times that if batshit MyPillow guy Mike Lindell did not stop spreading defamatory bullshit about their voting machines in support of Donald Trump's fascist Big Lie that he won an election he actually lost by a lot, that one of those $1.3 billion lawsuits they've sent to Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani was headed his way. And every time, Lindell has responded with some version of "I want Dominion to put up their lawsuit because we have 100% evidence that China and other countries used their machines to steal the election." Or he's shrieked, "DOMINION WENT ONLINE, WENT ON TV AND SAID THEY WERE GONNA GO AFTER MIKE LINDELL. WELL THEY DID, THEY HIRED HIT GROUPS AND BOTS AND TROLLS, WENT AFTER ALL MY VENDORS, ALL THESE BOX STORES, TO CANCEL ME OUT, THIS CANCEL CULTURE!"

And every time, Wonkette and everybody else paying attention was like "LOL, oh no, we bet Dominion is VRY SCARED RN!" of Mike Lindell's "discovery."

Well, let Mike Lindell's MyPillow Discovery begin, because Dominion's 115-page lawsuit, she is filed, against both Lindell personally and also his pillow cartel, and they would like $1.3 billion of his PillowBux.

Here is the first graf, and oh boy, it's funny:

After hitting the jackpot with Donald Trump's endorsement for MyPillow and after a million-dollar bet on Fox News ads had paid out handsome returns, Michael Lindell exploited another chance to boost sales: marketing MyPillow to people who would tune in and attend rallies to hear Lindell tell the "Big Lie" that Dominion had stolen the 2020 election. As when MyPillow previously faced legal action for deceptive marketing campaigns, Lindell knew there was no real "evidence" supporting his claims. And he is well aware of the independent audits and paper ballot recounts conclusively disproving the Big Lie. But Lindell—a talented salesman and former professional card counter—sells the lie to this day because the lie sells pillows. MyPillow's defamatory marketing campaign—with promo codes like "FightforTrump," "45," "Proof," and "QAnon"—has increased MyPillow sales by 30-40% and continues duping people into redirecting their election-lie outrage into pillow purchases.

LOLOLOLOL "the lie sells pillows."

The lawsuit leans heavily into Lindell using this to grift, despite how he's now protesting that his sales are very bad because he got cancel cultured. One section of the suit is entitled "Mike Lindell Cons People into Buying Pillows By Telling Them the 'Big Lie' About Dominion and the Election." Another is called "Lindell Sets Out to Find and Manufacture 'Evidence' to Support His Defamatory Marketing Campaign and False Preconceived Narrative." It notes his pattern of pretending he doesn't know that the Big Lie is a Big Lie, pretending to find "evidence" that the election was stolen, and all the while dealing pillows like crack to the future Trump moron pillow addicts of America.

For instance:

On January 16, Lindell appeared for a televised interview on [Right Side Broadcasting Network] and falsely claimed that "these machines … are corrupt, they built them to cheat." Although he did not produce any evidence, he also falsely claimed there were "thousands of pages" of evidence where you can see "how many votes were flipped." During that interview, host Brian Glenn told "everyone watching right now to go to MyPillow.com … promo code RSBN and get up to 66% off." Lindell then echoed Glenn and told the listeners, "we have 110 products now and you can get savings up to 66% off with that promo code RSBN." That same day, MyPillow began offering a promotion where if customers entered the promo code "QAnon" at check out, they would receive a $45 discount—a not-so-subtle nod to the 45th President of the United States. Around the same time, MyPillow also offered discounts for promo codes "Q" and "storm"—terms regularly used by QAnon devotees.

And this one, after Lindell had been warned approximately a thousand times to stop spreading lies about Dominion:

[On February 4], after receiving and reading Dominion's letter, Lindell appeared for a televised interview on FlashPoint and claimed he was being attacked "because I have all this evidence coming out … When I went on there, the Dominion people had threatened Newsmax. Nobody could go on there and talk about all this evidence that I have or talk about the machines. … Well, everything that's been attacking me in my whole life right now is because I've got this documentary coming out with all the evidence. … They've threatened networks … to suppress what actually happened in our country that was attacked from another country. And it's all coming out tomorrow." Later in the program, the host promoted MyPillow, saying, "We want to put up a promo code. … We want you to go support Mike Lindell. MyPillow.com use promo code 'FLASH.' … You want to make sure you go there and support. We've got to support patriots, folks. This is where, when I said earlier in the monologue, 'We have to stand up' – this is part of standing. I don't care if you don't need a pillow. Go order one and give it to somebody else. But we've got to support each other because this is the life and death of America…."

If you don't buy MyPillows, America is FINISHED.

As the suit notes, the very next day, Lindell released his very long "movie" about PROOF the election had been stolen by Dominion and Chinazuela and the ghost of Hugo Chavez or whatever the fuck it is, we do not know.

Please read the whole lawsuit when you have time, as it is clearly going to be this summer's hottest beach-read romance thriller.

Dominion is ready for Lindell's Pillow discovery process, as the suit states that "[t]hrough discovery, Dominion will prove that there is no real evidence supporting the Big Lie." Meanwhile, Lindell also seems very excited about getting sued for $1.3 billion PillowBux:

Reached by phone Monday morning, Lindell said he was "very happy to hear" that Dominion has sued him.

"Now I can get to the evidence faster. It's going to be amazing," he said. He added that he plans to continue releasing "more movies, more documentaries" about alleged election fraud.

OK, buddy. Whatever sparks joy for you! Just want you to be comfortable.

[Washington Post / lawsuit]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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