It's just no fun when Sadsy McDipshit is the president of America :(

Donald Trump's excellent foreign field trip continues! If you came here looking for a post about the important things Trump said in Belgium about NATO, which he has previously called "obsolete," you are in the wrong place, buster. This is a post about how new hot French president Emmanuel Macron saw Donald Trump coming when he went in for a handshake, and proceeded to respond in kind with a Strong Sexxxy French Handshake, which rendered Trump's own handshake weak and sad and tiny and bad.

Poor Trump.

Let's watch it!

Holy bejesus, do you SEE that? Trump is trying sooooo hard to pull the strong French sexual man's normal-sized hand toward him, but he cannot, because the French sexual man's hand and arm and body are TOO STRONG and his grip TOO FIRM! Trump is left powerless and sad. :(

Let's look at a still picture of the hand-shaking:

Look at the body language! Macron is sitting there all calm and collected like "BONJOUR! My attractive body is anchored right here on this chair, my shoulders are broad and I am smiling at you like a common sexy man who smiles!" Meanwhile Trump is like "MY GROTESQUE BODY IS BEING SUCKED INTO THE VORTEX BY THE EVIL FRENCHMAN! I AM TRYING TO PULL BACK BUT MY BODY IS WEAK! IF MARINE LE PEN HAD WON, I WOULDN'T LOOK LIKE SUCH A PUSSY SHAKING THE FRENCH PRESIDENT'S HAND AND ALSO SHE IS A RACIST BIGOT LIKE I AM SO WE COULD BE FRIENDS."

Can you see the pain in Trump's face? Look closer:

He looks like he is going to cry! Or poop! Or both at the same time!

Later in the day, Macron was walking toward all the NATO world leaders and he hugged and kissed Angela Merkel, winked at Justin Trudeau (we imagine that's what he did, but his back was turned) and he totally ignored Donald Trump, who will never be one of the cool NATO kids. In response, Trump, like a damn pussy, tried to get Macron back and show him what a tough orange hand-shaker he is, by doing his patented "I will rip your arm off now" move.

It didn't really work, because Macron kinda pushed back on Trump's forearm like "easy there champ," secure in the knowledge that Melania would much rather sit next to him at dinner later that evening:

Did you know Trump told Macron today that he was rootin' for him in the French election? Trump obviously thinks we're all too stupid to remember how he supported Marine Le Pen. DOY DOY DOY that Trump sure is a fucking moron.

Anyway, the point is that Emmanuel Macron is good at hand-shaking the idiot American "president," and that he looks sexy doing it. Remember that time dreamy Canadian god Justin Trudeau totally destroyed Trump's handshake, with his normal-sized dreamy Canadian god hands? We're gonna just bet Macron watched that video for tips! Let's watch the Trudeau one again, just for LOLs:

Know who we'd like to see "shake hands," by which we probably mean something much gayer and more nekkid? Trudeau and Macron, that is who.

Also on Trump's big boy NATO visit, he pulled a SUPER dick move by literally shoving the prime minister of Montenegro (a brand new NATO member, so he should get to do things like special!) out of the way, so TRUMP could stand in front for a photo-op, because TRUMP is the most important, even though literally every other one of those people hates TRUMP. Watch:

In conclusion, Donald Trump is a dick and a loser, and though he may technically be president of the United States, Emmanuel Macron and Justin Trudeau are the presidents of our hearts and our pants.

Angela Merkel is cool too.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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