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Oh hey, are we still doing this little song and dance where we pretend Nancy Pelosi is not going to be speaker of the House, because #reasons and #principles, so we may instead elect (???? UNDERPANTS GNOME ????), who will immediately rise like the phoenix from Pelosi's lady ashes and ride the Democratic Party into the sunset of peace, love, prosperity and, um, underpants?

Cool.

Goodnight, wake us up when Pelosi is speaker, OKTHXBYE.

Oh, you want us to write other things in this post? Fuck.


Monday saw the release of the long-awaited letter from a passel of Democratic moderates who hate that lady Nancy Pelosi, apparently because they've all watched too many RNC commercials about Nancy Pelosi. (And why does the RNC make those commercials about Nancy Pelosi? Is it because she actually is a secret gargoyle devil who eats children, like the commercials say? Or is it because she is the most effective elected congressional Democrat of the last few DECADES, which is way more threatening to the GOP than colorful myths about how Nancy Pelosi prefers a side of barbecue sauce when she eats children? AHEM.)

There are 16 Democrats on the list. Nancy Pelosi can only lose 15 if she wants to be speaker, at least with the current count of House Democrats (several races are still outstanding). Of those, 11 are incumbents, and the group skews very "white" and "dude." The other five are brand new arrivals, including Ben McAdams, who looks like he has defeated Mia Love in Utah. That group also skews "white" and "dude."

This is who they are:

In addition to [New York's Kathleen] Rice [a known asshole -- Ed.], letter signers are Democratic Reps. Tim Ryan (Ohio) [asshole], Seth Moulton (Massachusetts) [total asshole], Ed Perlmutter (Colorado), Kurt Schrader (Oregon), Filemon Vela (Texas), Bill Foster (Illinois), Brian Higgins (New York), Stephen Lynch (Massachusetts), Linda Sánchez (California) and Jim Cooper (Tennessee), as well as Reps.-elect Jeff Van Drew (New Jersey), Joe Cunningham (South Carolina), Max Rose and Anthony Brindisi of New York, and candidate McAdams.

Also:

The letter does not include at least three additional Democratic lawmakers or members-elect who have confirmed to POLITICO that they intend to oppose Pelosi on the floor: Rep. Conor Lamb of Pennsylvania, Abigail Spanberger of Virginia and Jason Crow of Colorado.

Hmmmmm, wonder why they didn't sign? Oh well, who cares.

So, if all those people decide to die on this hill for stupid reasons, Nancy Pelosi won't be speaker, and (???? BIGFOOT ????) will be our new speaker and it'll be just great.

There is one Democrat who's been mentioned as a possible replacement for Pelosi:

Rep. Marcia Fudge of Ohio, a Pelosi critic who is considering a bid for speaker as well, suggested to POLITICO in a Friday interview that Pelosi could possibly win her support should the Californian declare that she will serve for only one more term. Fudge had signed an earlier version of the letter but apparently has withdrawn her signature; she was not on the letter released Monday.

The only known replacement is wavering and might go ahead and vote Pelosi. Gotcha.

Look, we are thrilled that all these new Democrats have been elected to take the majority away from Republicans. But does this particular cohort of new Democratic babies really want to align itself with boring-ass dicks like Seth Moulton and Tim Ryan? Really? These milquetoast "both sides do it" centrists who think the best thing for the Democratic Party would be to make it Republican-lite again? Wouldn't they rather, y'know, win? Come on now.

Can we also just say that this is a ridiculously productive way for us to be spending our time when the real goal is defeating Donald Trump, growing our majority, and taking back the Senate in 2020? Let's have a manufactured and completely unnecessary fight!

Speaking of unnecessary fights, for all the media idiots and Republican operatives who want to put Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in a ring together and say "Let's you and her fight," it's not working. Ocasio-Cortez -- not an idiot -- said last night on the MSNBC Chris Hayes TV program that as far as she can see, Nancy Pelosi is the most progressive candidate in the running. And she's right! Nancy Pelosi is progressive as fuck. Ocasio-Cortez added that if anything, the group trying to push Pelosi out is advocating for leadership that is "more conservative." (Since AOC is the one saying it, and not your Editrix, it's possible people will even listen!) And she's right about that too! The people doing this BURN THE WITCH shit are, again, centrist Democrats, some of whom might as well be Republicans, and oh yeah, they're mostly white dudes. Some are incumbents who fuck this particular chicken on the regular, some are brand new Democrats who are under the impression that their promises not to vote for Pelosi on the campaign trail are somehow dealbreakers for their constituents. (Psssssst! Their voters' dealbreaker is healthcare.)

And look, we get it. We want new, young blood in the Democratic leadership. It's absolutely essential to move the party forward. And we want Nancy Goddamned Pelosi to teach Young Blood every single thing she knows, so that when the time comes for her to hand the speakership to Young Blood, that person is ready on day one to kick ass.

To close out this post, let's look at Seth Moulton of Massachusetts, who did a town hall with his constituents last night. When he explained that he was leading this charge against Nancy Pelosi because that's what Republicans the people want, THE PEOPLE yelled at him and called him a piece of fuck who needs to STFU. It is a happy funtimes video.

Helen Claire Sievers of Georgetown, Massachusetts, had thoughts for Moulton. They are good thoughts:

"I am deeply upset that you are challenging [potential] Speaker Pelosi with no person that you think would do a better job, no policies that you disagree with. We don't want to do what the Republicans did with their Tea Party people and split our party, and I'm deeply concerned that's what you and your buddies are doing."

Hey, anybody ever think of primarying Seth Moulton from the left? That's one contest this Hillary-crat right here could get behind!

Wake us up when Madame Speaker has been handed her gavel, please.

[Politico / WBUR]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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