Tuesday, after one thousand delays and excuses, Attorney General Bill Barr finally sat down with the House Judiciary Committee to lie and dodge questions, and it was a more satisfying experience than we might have expected because Democrats were mad. Barr is the worst excuse for an attorney general America has had since the Nixon administration, and that guy went to prison. It's clear Barr thinks he's above oversight, especially from Democrats who stand in the way of his service to his Dear Leader, who Barr thinks should have the powers of a king and be treated like it.

Thing is, the Democrats were not having it, and for once we are a bit more pleased with the behavior of the House Judiciary Committee, which we thought was unteachable. Oh certainly, they shouted over Barr to hear their own voices but this time they did it for (some of) the right reasons, because Barr was filibustering and refusing to actually answer the questions they asked. Realizing that, they'd just tell him to go fuck worms and move on to the next question. They were mean to him. And it was what he deserved.


A couple of moments really made the news, like when Barr lied to Rep. Hakeem Jeffries and tried to blame problems with coronavirus testing on "Barack Obama's mishandling of the CDC," just like his garbage boss does. Jeffries shut him the fuck up, said "that's a myth," and moved on.

So that was special. There was a lot of coronavirus bullshit in this hearing. But it's the same lies you've been hearing from the most failed presidential administration in American history about its fatal mishandling of the pandemic, so we'll skip it.

Let's Talk About Bill Barr's Future Election Crimes For Trump, Whatever They May Be!

Rep. David Cicilline of Rhode Island cornered Barr on under what circumstances it's OK for foreign countries to give Donald Trump electoral help in November. Barr actually said, with his mouth, that it "depends what kind of assistance." Cicilline asked again and Barr finally admitted that it's actually not OK for the president to "solicit or accept foreign assistance of any kind." Cicilline said he was sorry Barr had such a hard time with that one.

The election came up quite a lot.

Repeatedly Barr admitted that he absolutely does discuss the election with Trump, haughtily asserting that he is a member of the president's Cabinet, as if to say of COURSE, you idiot, there are metric shit tons of highly inappropriate conversations going on, and I'm not telling you what they are. So that's relevant as Barr sends unidentified stormtrooper Gestapo incels into American cities to invade and terrorize, to create chaos to help his boss get re-elected.

In a back-and-forth with Rep. Debbie Mucarsel-Powell of Florida, Barr would not pledge not to release the report from his clownass John Durham investigation of the "Russia hoax" before the election, and then objected to the assertion that doing so would constitute interference in the election.

We really liked it when Rep. Mary Gay Scanlon kicked Barr's ass and got him to admit that he actually doesn't have evidence for his repeated statements that foreign countries are just going to print out mail-in ballots to rig the election. "No, I don't have [evidence], but I have common sense," mewled Barr, asserting facts not in evidence.

Barr refused to tell Rep. Greg Stanton that he won't do Trump's bidding after Election Day, if Trump starts throwing tantrums and demanding states stop counting ballots. Would he state that the Department of Justice will not get involved in a contested election in service of President Crimebag? "I will follow the law," Barr said, like the fucking snake he is, knowing he will use and manipulate the law wherever it serves his boss best.

Barr got LI'L BIT JUMPY when Rep. Joe Neguse questioned him "under penalty of perjury" on his statements that the White House had fully cooperated with Robert Mueller's investigation. In a snit, Barr said he was going to "answer the damn question" since the mean congressman said the words "under penalty of perjury." Barr then admitted he was lying when he said former SDNY US Attorney Geoffrey Berman was "stepping down," like it was something that guy decided. Barr now says maybe that guy did not know he was being fired (to protect Trump from SDNY's investigations).

He also admitted that to Rep. Val Demings, who noted that Barr has a little pattern of firing any and all US attorneys who might be investigating Trump.

There was also a lot about Barr's apparent support for Trump's commutation of Roger Stone's sentence, even though Barr has said he thought it was a "righteous" prosecution. When Rep. Eric Swalwell asked if Barr would be investigating Trump's obviously corrupt favor for Roger Stone, Barr responded "Why would I?" So Swalwell told him why, laying out the case for how Trump did that to protect his own ass, because Stone could have and would have flipped on him.

And did Barr really support the Stone prosecution? Well, he sort of suggested to GOP Rep. Tom McClintock that Stone was guilty of kind of an "esoteric made-up crime," so draw your own conclusions.

And Then Barr's Stormtroopers Showed Up!

Please enjoy Rep. Pramila Jayapal kicking Barr's fucking ass, over his semantics over what is and is not "tear gas," and also noting that when white supremacists with swastikas show up to occupy the Michigan capitol, Barr doesn't care, because they're doing President Grand Wizard's bidding, but when Black and brown people protest peacefully, he sends in the damn stormtroopers.

Rep. Jamie Raskin made similar points, adding that Barr "embraced [the white supremacists'] cause by joining litigation against the governors of Michigan and Virginia" over stay-at-home orders.

Barr told Rep. Madeleine Dean that "When people resist law enforcement, they're not peaceful," to which we respond LOL go fuck yourself. As he tried to shout over her, Dean told Barr she was "surprised by your lack of respect for a member of Congress."

Speaking of Barr's lack of respect, watch this whole exchange between Barr and Dean, about Barr attacking innocent Americans with tear gas and pepper spray:

In another exchange, Rep. David Cicilline called Barr's actions toward protesters "un-American." And in this next clip, Barr admitted that he thinks it's OK to teargas peaceful protesters, after Cicilline noted that even the freaking mayor of Portland got teargassed. "It is appropriate to use tear gas when it's indicated to [...] disperse an unlawful assembly," said the un-American attorney general, whom President Biden's Truth Commission will have a lot of fun with one day.

At the end of the hearing, Rep. Veronica Escobar got in Barr's face and said outright that Barr has violated his oath of office. Watch that, and watch Jim Jordan queen out and lose his shit all over the floor about that.

As we said, it was a fiery hearing with some pissed off Democrats, and we enjoyed every minute, or at least most of the minutes.

We'll close with this clip, where Rep. Cedric Richmond told Bill Barr to keep the name of John Lewis out of his and the entire Department of Justice's surly mouth, after Barr wouldn't agree that there was "systematic racism" in policing. (He issued the same denial to Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, and also suggested to Richmond that Black people are less likely to be killed by police than white people. So that's some shit.)


RICHMOND: I would just suggest that actions speak louder than words, and you really should keep the name of the honorable John Lewis out of the Department of Justice's mouth.

Bill Barr should keep a lot of words out of his mouth.

[h/t Aaron Rupar for allll the videos]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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