House Might Impeach Trump A Bunch More Times For Sh*ts And Giggles, MERRY CHRISTMAS, TRUMP!
POP QUIZ: The House of Representatives and Bill Barr's Justice Department have been submitting things to the court today in the ongoing case over whether former White House counsel Don McGahn should A) obey Congress's subpoena and testify, or B) tell the law to get fucked because Donald Trump says the law is not Don McGahn's real dad.
Today is December 23. So the pop quiz is this: "On a scale of one to go fuck yourself eleventy times with a Christmas snowglobe, how likely is Wonkette to read these two court filings?"
If you picked anything between "one" and "go fuck yourself eleventy with a Christmas snowglobe," you are correct! (We rigged the pop quiz.) We are not reading it.
But luckily, Talking Points Memo is "serious" about "its job," so those guys read 'em! The Justice Department's brief argued to appeals court Judge Neomi Rao that now that Trump has been impeached, there's just no need to go real fast on this case, because after all, numbnuts is impeached. Right? Right?
It also argued other things.
In response, the House said nah bro, we are still impeaching the motherfucker, and if we get a bunch more impeachable information from Don McGahn, maybe we'll triple- and quadruple-impeach the motherfucker, maybe eventually Mitch McConnell's desk will be so full of articles of impeachment, they will literally bury the stack of 24-year-old child bigot judges McConnell is so hellbent on confirming.
Merry Christmas, Mister President!
The House notes that, while McGahn wasn't present for the Ukraine-specific scandal for which Trump has been impeached -- and for which he will go on trial in the Senate once Nancy Pelosi has decided that Mitch McConnell is mature enough to assume responsibility for something so grown-up -- McGahn witnessed Trump crimes, both of the "abuse of power" kind (impeachment article #1) and the "obstruction of Congress" kind ( impeachment article #2). He was there for the firing of James Comey, and Trump tried to order him to fire Robert Mueller, then tried to get him to lie about it when the press found out. And so much more!
All of this is detailed in the Mueller Report, and the House notes that in its articles of impeachment, it spelled out that Trump's conduct is part of a pattern, which would make McGahn's testimony very useful as the House presents its articles to the Senate:
The first Article of Impeachment, "Abuse of Power," states that President Trump "solicited the interference of a foreign government, Ukraine, in the 2020 United States presidential election. President Trump's "actions were consistent with [his] previous invitations of foreign interference in United States elections." As the Committee's accompanying impeachment report explains, those previous actions included the President "inviting and welcoming Russian interference in the 2016 United States presidential election."
The second Article, "Obstruction of Congress," states that President Trump "directed the unprecedented, categorical, and indiscriminate defiance of subpoenas issued by the House of Representatives." President Trump's obstruction "was consistent with [the President's] previous efforts to undermine United States Government investigations into foreign interference in United States elections, and is part of a "broader pattern of misconduct." That pattern includes the President's "endeavor to impede the Special Counsel's investigation into Russian interference with the 2016 United States Presidential election, as well as [his] sustained efforts to obstruct the Special Counsel after learning that he was under investigation for obstruction of justice."
SHIT DAMN FUCK, did we not just say it was December 23 and we had no intention of reading this shit and were fully intending to copy off Talking Points Memo's paper? God bless baby Jesus what the hell is wrong with us right now? We really need to go Christmas shopping for presents for a six-year-old niece who already has everything.
Anyway, the House goes on to note that the timing of impeachment was fast because Trump's crimes are literally right now in progress and could affect the 2020 election, so please don't think the House is like ALL FINISHED! It isn't.
Indeed, the House says the investigation/s into Trump continue to this day, everything Don McGahn witnessed is germane to the House's impeachment presentation to the Senate, and also too:
If McGahn's testimony produces new evidence supporting the conclusion that President Trump committed impeachable offenses that are not covered by the Articles approved by the House, the Committee will proceed accordingly -- including, if necessary, by considering whether to recommend new articles of impeachment.
GONNA IMPEACH THE MOTHERFUCKER WHOLE BUNCHA TIMES, MAYBE! Impeached the motherfucker YESTERDAY, impeached him TODAY, gonna impeach him TOMORROW, can't stop won't stop impeaching the motherfucker! (Already.)
There are other reasons listed in the House's filing, for why the case for McGahn's testimony is not moot and should be expedited, but we're getting antsy sitting in this chair OH NO, WHERE ARE WE GOING? WE ARE LEAVING YOU ALL BY YOURSELF IN THIS OPEN THREAD, GOODBYE! GOODBYE! GOODBYE!
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