How About A Fake Nobel Nomination For A Fake President?
Donald Trump really, really thinks he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. After all, that fake Kenyan president got one for doing nothing, and Trump insists the Japanese Prime Minister showed him a beautiful letter he'd written to nominate Trump for freeing his small island nation from being terrorized by rocketships. That's usually Gamera's job! (He is the friend of children everywhere.)
But now, just after Donald Trump's failure to bring peace to the Korean Peninsula, we learn that at least one person really did nominate Trump for the Nobel. Except it was a forged nomination. And the same fraudulent sender apparently tried to do the same thing last year, too. We bet the nomination letters' constant use of weirdass capitalization was a tip-off.
The New York Times explains the nomination process is incredibly secretive, and the Norwegian Nobel Committee virtually never releases information about who gets considered, at least not until after prior nominees and committees are mostly dead. It's actually "forbidden from divulging any information about its deliberations for 50 years, and even then, only for scholarship purposes and at its discretion."
But oopsie, someone went and tried to submit a fake nomination for Trump, twice, and the whole mess has been turned over to the Oslo police for further investigation. The Nobel Files: That's a police procedural we'd watch!
Olav Njolstad, the secretary of the five-member committee, said it appeared that a forged nomination of Mr. Trump for the prize was also submitted last year — and was also referred to the police. (The earlier forgery was not disclosed to the public at the time.)
Inspector Rune Skjold, the head of the economic crimes section of the Oslo police, said that investigators had been in touch with the F.B.I. since last fall, which suggests that the forged nominations originated in the United States. He said the police believed that the same perpetrator was behind both forgeries.
Uff da! The lefse's really in the fire now! Njolstad didn't provide the Times with copies of the forgeries or any details about them, so we won't know what color crayon was used on the letter. But he did say it was "fair to assume" the documents had come from someone pretending to be a qualified nominator, but that the person whose name was on them said nah mang, wasn't me.
The article is pretty short on details, but notes the forger could have falsely used the name of one of many folks who are allowed to make nominations for the Peace Prize. It's not exactly a tiny club! The pool of potential identity theft victims includes "heads of state, lawmakers and cabinet ministers of countries around the world," as well as "university professors of history, social sciences, law, philosophy, theology and religion; certain university leaders; directors of peace research institutes and foreign policy institutes; and past recipients of the prize." What about leaders of closed "universities" that taught how to make a killing in real estate? Some potential nominators are based outside the USA, so we'll assume nobody forged the name of a member of the "Institute of International Law, based in Ghent, Belgium" and then mailed it from, say, an address on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan.
Gosh, if only we could think of any dishonest but ultimately incompetent grifters who'd be willing to fake a bunch of documents in hopes of making Donald Trump look good -- and then when it failed last year, would be stupid enough to try virtually the same scheme again. A few names (James O'Keefe! Jacob Wohl! Laura Loomer!) come readily to mind, but honestly, there's more idiots out there than you can shake a MAGA hat at, so what the hell, let's say it's the entire staff of Breitbart. Or -- hear us out -- how about Hillary Clinton? She got three million illegal aliens to vote for her without leaving a trace of evidence, so there's no telling what she's capable of.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.