How About Now, Jim Jordan? HOW ABOUT NOW?

Aw shucks, Congressman Jim Jordan just wishes somebody had told him that all the male wrestlers in his care were getting repeatedly sexually assaulted when he was the assistant wrestling coach at Ohio State University. And no, that time one of the guys, Dunyasha Yetts, says he asked Jordan and former coach Russ Hellickson to come with him to see Doctor Hands-y, so he wouldn't get his dick touched, does not count, because Jim Jordan says Dunyasha Yetts is a big liar. Also Yetts served time in prison for fraud, which means he didn't get sexually assaulted. And we aren't sure, but it's very possible Yetts was wearing a mini-skirt and stayed up after midnight, which means he probably was asking for it.

ANYWAY, Jim Jordan will just go on believing these accusers were all put up to it by the Deep State, until or unless somebody actually comes forward and says yeah, they told Jordan right to his face about the abuse, and he didn't do anything about it. Oh wait what's this?

Another former OSU wrestler has told CNN that Jim Jordan knew about the actions of Dr. Richard Strauss, the former Ohio State University medical doctor who treated athletes, and called Jordan, who is now a US Congressman, a "phony" for saying he was not aware of any sexual abuse allegations.

"Jordan is denying this because obviously it would be political suicide for him," the former wrestler said. "He's still denying it. Jim Jordan knew. He didn't do anything about it."

This guy, who wishes to remain nameless, but who actually supported Jordan in his first congressional run, has another detail to add, and it is that he DIRECTLY SAID TO JORDAN'S FACE that this was happening:

"I remember coming up and saying, 'Strauss held my balls longer than normal.' He just snickered."

HAHA, JIM JORDAN! It's hilarious when kids who look up to you are being repeatedly sexually violated and you do nothing about it! Were you too busy investigating FBI agents who sexted each other at the time? HAHA!

The former wrestler recalled one time when he went into the wrestling room at OSU and a few athletes and Jordan were "clumped together." He said he remembered saying, "something to the effect of 'his hands are cold as s**t; he checked out every hair on my ball,'" and said Jordan replied, "I have nothing to do with this" and walked away.

Wow. Just wow.

Of course, Jim Jordan is an amoral piece of shit who latches on to any conspiracy theory he hears about Hillary Clinton and Deep State conspiracies against Donald Trump, but he'll probably continue playing innocent about the sexual predator who abused a couple thousand guys while he looked the other way. Everybody knows the first rule of Family Values Republicans is that the white men get to fuck/grope/assault whomever they want, as long as they say they're "pro-life" and that God Hates Fags in public.

And Jordan's colleagues like Louie Gohmert and Steve Scalise and Mark Meadows, who are also amoral pieces of shit, will also likely continue to defend Jordan. After all, said Gohmert, these guys were all grown-ups when they were sexually assaulted, so it can't have been that bad. They're probably just sluts anyway. Have you seen those skimpy singlets they wear? Look, here's Jim Jordan, dressed like a big slut:

As for Donald Trump, who has defended Jordan this whole time too? Well, it's a well known fact that Trump could sexually assault a college wrestler in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose one single vote, so why would he change his tune on this? (We may have gotten that famous Trump quote about Fifth Avenue wrong right there. We apologize profusely.)

All these people should go fuck themselves, and then after they're finished, they should resign. You first, Jim Jordan.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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