How Are You Helping to Find Osama bin Laden?
All across America, regular citizens are pitching in to help their country capture the man who attacked it six short years ago on September "9/11" Eleventh. They're a crafty bunch, these citizen warriors, and their resolve is strong. Take, for example, 46-year-old Gary Weddle. Weddle has patriotically vowed not to shave until Osama is captured. Unfortunately all the stories we can find on his quest are a year old, so we're not sure if he's still rocking the Sunni Madhab look. Or he might be more like Lufkin, Texas city attorney Bob Flournoy...
Flournoy vowed to, uh, wear a patriotic tie until bin Laden was captured or killed. He put on his hideous flag tie on 9/12 and wore it every damn day after that.
When Flournoy first promised to wear the tie, he did so under the assumption that it would only take a couple of weeks to find bin Laden. However, when the weeks and years passed, he stayed true to his promise and has not worn any other tie. The tie is so tattered and dirty today that recently Flournoy has resigned himself to wearing sweaters in the 100-degree heat just to hide it.
Then, after six years, Flournoy gave up. He's sick of wearing the hideous, stained rag. Last week, he unilaterally declared Osama dead and said he'd bury the tie. He gave bin Laden one week to respond, and the terrorist quickly released that video we all saw where he talks about taxes and shit.
No word on whether Flournoy is wearing the tie again, or if he gave up on America.
With Citizen Soldiers like this, it's no wonder we've got al-Qaeda on the run! Watch your back, Osama! We've got quirky human interest stories with your name on 'em! And they're getting less cute every year!
1822 Days & Osama Beard is Growing [Alternet]