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Good news, everyone! According to the Official White House Self-Loathing Gay Homosexual, Mike Pence doesn't hate gays, because he ate some Beanie Weenies* with Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, who is known to be gay.

Oh, to be a gay Republican quisling, with such a low bar for acceptance that you think America's viciously anti-gay vice president doesn't really hate you, just because he deigned to eat a sandwich with a world leader.


Regular readers have met Judd Deere before. The Official Wonkette dictionary defines a "Judd Deere" as a "gay version of a Hogan Gidley, assuming Hogan Gidley is not a gay, not that there would be anything wrong with that." Deere was the subject of a profile in BuzzFeed by journalist Dominic Holden, and he came off as a smug asshole who is unfairly discriminated against rightly shunned by DC gays because he serves the Trump administration. Next time they're doing invitations for the glitter ball, another good reason to keep Judd Deere off the list would be that tweet just above.

Pete Buttigieg's husband, Chasten, responded:

We have exhaustively covered Mike Pence's anti-gay record, going all the way back to before he was governor of Indiana. He supported diverting funding for AIDS treatment into faith-based bullshit for people trying to do the impossible and change their sexual orientation. He did everything in his power to stop Indiana companies from being nice to gays, in order to protect the so-called "religious freedom" of God-fearin' pizza joints. He cuddles with anti-gay hate groups. We could go on.

Oh yeah, and lest we forget, Donald Trump, that paragon of human rights and equality, has "joked" that Mike Pence would like to "hang" all the gays. Ha ha!

But now it's all better because Mike Pence deep-throated some bangers 'n' mash with the Irish prime minister, who is gay.**

Great.

Of course, Leo Varadkar being forced to dine with bigots isn't the only embarrassing thing about Pence's trip abroad. He's also come under fire because he's staying at Trump's crap resort in Doonbeg, which is very far from Dublin, which is where all the shit on his itinerary is going down. But don't worry, he's not getting Doonbeg for free! He's paying for it, so don't you worry about whether Trump is emolument-ing himself with this little arrangement, because he most certainly is.

Marc Short, Pence's chief of staff, told reporters aboard Air Force Two earlier that the decision to stay at the Trump property was made at the president's "suggestion" and that Pence and his entourage were not staying for free.

Short said Pence's office followed official protocol and received State Department sign-off. He said the club is the "one facility" in the Doonbeg area able to accommodate a group of their size.

Well, if it's the only facility in Doonbeg! But wait. Didn't we just type that Pence's Irish activities were over there in Dublin? JoeMyGod posted a tweet from somebody who used the power of #maps to illustrate how this makes literally no sense:

Totally normal. He's flying from Doonbeg to Dublin and back to Doonbeg, and he's doing it because it was Trump's "suggestion."

In summary and in conclusion, Congressman Ted Lieu says Mike Pence should be careful not to get a case of the bedbugs at Doonbeg, since Trump's properties sometimes get those. Wouldn't want Pence accidentally giving the bedbugs to the Irish prime minister he's definitely not anti-gay for!

*We don't know if Mike Pence ate Beanie Weenies with Varadkar. Not sure if Mother allows him to have anything wiener-shaped in his mouth.

**We don't know if Mike Pence actually deep-throated his bangers. This being Ireland, there might have been bangers available, but we don't know if Mother allows Mike to deep-throat bangers. That is probably against the rules at the gay-hatin' Christian school where she teaches.

[AP]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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