Donate

IN A WORLD ... where Donald Trump says one reasonable thing in a lifetime of saying non-reasonable things, there is one man brave enough to call him out on that thing. And that man is Ted Cruz.


During an appearance on the Today show last week, Donald Trump was asked how he felt about North Carolina's dumbass law meant to regulate where trans people are allowed to pee, and he was all "I don't actually care where people pee?" and stuff and now Ted Cruz is fightin' mad because he totally cares were people pee. HE CARES SO MUCH. In fact, Ted Cruz would probably really appreciate it if we all sent him weekly diaries of our own emissions. Including where we went, who was in the bathroom with us, whether or not we saw their birth certificate, and a detailed description of our own stools.

Now, as the lone crusader for uh, whatever this is, Cruz has released this epic ad in which he basically accuses Trump of totally loving child molesters and rapists even more than Ted Cruz likes to think about pee.

The gist here is that Ted Cruz thinks the North Carolina law banning trans people from using the correct restroom is actually a law that prevents GROWN MEN from going into the ladies room and going on sexual assault sprees. It is not! Actually, hypothetically, it would make things even more convenient for someone who wished to do that for some reason. Because those dudes could literally just say they were trans men, and it would not even require a costume change. Duh. Also, I could use the men's room to avoid long lines and just say I was born with a penis. HOW WOULD THEY KNOW?

Donald Trump, the ad claims, simply refuses to take on the PC POLICE! Even though he doesn't like Muslims and Mexicans and his whole campaign has been entirely all about insulting people and then insisting that people only don't like being insulted because of political correctness. Nope, he's basically an official SJW now! And he is going to let all the grown men molest your daughters and wives. Because he is so scared of being offensive.

Ted Cruz, however, will take on the PC police with a force of his own -- the P Police. Police to police the peeing and to check everyone's genital situation and birth certificate before they can take a leak. For safety.

The ad specifically addresses men, warning them that these other GROWN MEN are after their WIVES AND DAUGHTERS, which makes sense given that a recent survey found that old dudes are literally the only ones who are worried about this happening. I am going to go ahead and assume that this is because they themselves would love to go into the women's room and listen to some ladies peeing, and assume that this is a desire held by many others as well.

What I would like to know, though, is if Ted Cruz will be carrying around his own birth certificate and showing it to everyone he goes pee next to, just to prove to them that he is not secretly this lady from Maury Povich.

[New Civil Rights Movement]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc