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IN A WORLD ... where Donald Trump says one reasonable thing in a lifetime of saying non-reasonable things, there is one man brave enough to call him out on that thing. And that man is Ted Cruz.


During an appearance on the Today show last week, Donald Trump was asked how he felt about North Carolina's dumbass law meant to regulate where trans people are allowed to pee, and he was all "I don't actually care where people pee?" and stuff and now Ted Cruz is fightin' mad because he totally cares were people pee. HE CARES SO MUCH. In fact, Ted Cruz would probably really appreciate it if we all sent him weekly diaries of our own emissions. Including where we went, who was in the bathroom with us, whether or not we saw their birth certificate, and a detailed description of our own stools.

Now, as the lone crusader for uh, whatever this is, Cruz has released this epic ad in which he basically accuses Trump of totally loving child molesters and rapists even more than Ted Cruz likes to think about pee.

The gist here is that Ted Cruz thinks the North Carolina law banning trans people from using the correct restroom is actually a law that prevents GROWN MEN from going into the ladies room and going on sexual assault sprees. It is not! Actually, hypothetically, it would make things even more convenient for someone who wished to do that for some reason. Because those dudes could literally just say they were trans men, and it would not even require a costume change. Duh. Also, I could use the men's room to avoid long lines and just say I was born with a penis. HOW WOULD THEY KNOW?

Donald Trump, the ad claims, simply refuses to take on the PC POLICE! Even though he doesn't like Muslims and Mexicans and his whole campaign has been entirely all about insulting people and then insisting that people only don't like being insulted because of political correctness. Nope, he's basically an official SJW now! And he is going to let all the grown men molest your daughters and wives. Because he is so scared of being offensive.

Ted Cruz, however, will take on the PC police with a force of his own -- the P Police. Police to police the peeing and to check everyone's genital situation and birth certificate before they can take a leak. For safety.

The ad specifically addresses men, warning them that these other GROWN MEN are after their WIVES AND DAUGHTERS, which makes sense given that a recent survey found that old dudes are literally the only ones who are worried about this happening. I am going to go ahead and assume that this is because they themselves would love to go into the women's room and listen to some ladies peeing, and assume that this is a desire held by many others as well.

What I would like to know, though, is if Ted Cruz will be carrying around his own birth certificate and showing it to everyone he goes pee next to, just to prove to them that he is not secretly this lady from Maury Povich.

[New Civil Rights Movement]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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