Did you watch that? Are you wondering what the hell it was and if perhaps you hallucinated it because dear lord, that cannot be real? It was real. It happened.

[contextly_sidebar id="800tzuER5Dau0PSvx8auOys41wcsTYYn"]Sarah Palin took the stage Tuesday night to endorse Donald Trump fer Makin' 'Merica Great Again, not long after we learned about how her eldest spawn Track spent his Monday night sleeping it off in jail after being arrested for allegedly brawlin' up his lady friend Palin style. And for one more glorious incoherent fame-whorin' trash-talkin' hate-spewin' also-tooin' gosh-darned jumble of minutes, Sarah had all of America watching her again and hanging on her every hiccup. And wondering, WHAT EVEN THE FUCK, LADY?

"I'm in it to win it!" declared Sarah Palin, who is not running for anything and up and MOTHER-BRAWLIN' QUIT half-way through the last job she "won." In what? you may wonder. Win what? you might ask. Who knows?

Palin trotted out her favorite worn-out zingers from the 2008 election, which didn't work then and are just plain pathetic now. She called President Obama a "community organizer" and scoffed at the "Greek columns and all that hopey changey stuff." Was there a dig about teleprompters, even as she continually looked down at her own notes to remind herself of how exactly to drunkenly babble about how Donald Trump? But of course.

What's she lookin' at, the teleprompter on the floor?

Palin praised Trump's flawless business acumen too:

He is from the private sector, not a politician, can I get a "Hallelujah!?!" Where, in the private sector, you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize, to keep the main thing, the main thing, and he knows the main thing: a president is to keep us safe economically and militarily.

If you can translate what "the main thing, the main thing" even means, feel free to insert all your jokes about the numerous times Trump's private sector businesses have declared bankruptcy RIGHT HERE.

You want family values? Trump's got family values, you betcha:

Oh, I just hope you guys get to know him more and more as a person, and a family man.

[contextly_sidebar id="uotGNL3SMKENCm4zFJiczEcoFsUe3AL8"]Sure, he's a real family man. Ask any of his families, they'll tell you. And it must be so, if he's won the endorsement of family values sweetheart Sarah Palin, whose abstinence-only children keep popping out out-of-wedlock babies, when they're not getting in trouble with The Law. We can only imagine the touching conversation Sarah must have had with her son Track just the night before:

Did Palin have some random collection of angry words to shout at her second favorite target after the president, the Republican Party establishment that despises her?

Oh tell somebody like, Phyllis Schlafly? She is the Republican, conservative movement icon and hero and a Trump supporter. Tell her she’s not conservative. How ‘bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment. Right.

If you're wondering when precisely we knew for a fact that Sarah Palin was drunk as fuck, this was it:

The self-made success of his, you know, that he doesn’t get his power, his high, off of opium [we think she means "OPM"]: other people’s money, like a lot of dopes in Washington do. They’re addicted to opium, where they take other people’s money, and then their high is getting to redistribute it, right?

Sure. Right. Donald Trump isn't your typical Washington dope, high on redistributing opium. Whatever you say, Sarah Palin. Want to end on a high (so high!) note?

God bless the United States America [sic] and our next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump!

We aren't surprised that Sarah Palin gobbled up all the glory of standing in the spotlight again, imagining she is still Moose Queen USA. That's our Sarah. But we are surprised that Donald Trump and his ego stood there silently for a full 20 minutes without rolling his eyes, telling her to shut her stupid "persona," or calling in his security to drag the screaming crazy lady away so she could sleep it off somewhere and give him back his mic and his spotlight. That, truly, was a sight to behold.

[Video via BuzzFeed]

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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