How Many Dumbfuck Things Can Anthony Scaramucci Say Before Breakfast?

it's better to keep your mouth covered, Scaramucci, to keep the dumb shit from falling out.

A White House fight has broken out in the last 12 hours, and it is between nominal White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and brand new Trump lapdog Anthony Scaramucci. (Who may or may not be a Clinton mole. He said Trump wants healthcare to be just like Comcast. And he said several things you'll read in this post that will make you go "HMMMMMMMM!" and "LOL THE FUCK?" We report, you decide if he is a Clinton mole or if he's just that dumb.)

It started Wednesday night when Scaramucci tweeted this (and then deleted it, because he's so transparent):

What made that poor boy so upset??? He's just trying to be a good communications director for the president, because he loves the president, he loves him, he loves him so much [voice drops to a whisper] ... he loves when the president talks, he loves when the president walks, he loves that thing the president does with his ton- ... WHERE WERE WE?

Scaramucci was very upset about a Politico article about his financial disclosure form, which shows he probably stands to continue profiting from his investment firm SkyBridge Capital while he does the very important work of serving Mr. President and wearing that little slinky black thing the president likes, happy biiiiiiiiirthday, Mr. President, happy birthday to ... youuuuuuuuuuu ...

Hold on, let us grab a towel for Mr. Scaramucci so we can continue telling this story!

So anyway, he tagged Reince Priebus in that tweet! What's up with that? Was he saying Reince Priebus (WHO HATES HIM) leaked his financial disclosure to Politico? And was he saying leaking public financial disclosures is a felony? (It isn't.) And he wants the FBI to investigate Reince Priebus for doing a Not Felony? Seems like it! CNN/New Yorker journalist Ryan Lizza confirmed as much on Twitter:

Scaramucci says "NUH UH!" but this is an employee of the Trump White House, so we must assume he's lying.

Lizza ALSO reports that before this all went down, Trump dined (had a Happy Meal while everybody else had food) with Scaramucci, Melania, and a veritable wake of Fox News buzzards including Sean Hannity, Bill Shine and Kimberly Guilfoyle. So obviously they all had rage erections about leakers and unmasking and Seth Rich and Hillary Clinton and BENGHAZIII!!1111!!, and Scaramucci's little black dress was torn asunder, and we imagine Trump was too het up even to play with the toy he got in his Happy Meal, even though it's one of those wind-up buzzy things, and he always likes the wind-up buzzy things.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS MORNING! Scaramucci called into CNN (because Donald Fucking Trump told him to, according to the Washington Post) and had a toddler's meltdown about leakers, and he said MANY DUMBASS THINGS BEFORE BREAKFAST. He said he's talked to his "buddies at the FBI" about the Not Illegal leak of his public financial disclosure! (Fun fact: if Scaramucci is having those sorts of conversations with employees of the DOJ, then it is he who is breaking the rules, BIGLY.)

Scaramucci also said this:

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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