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America, Fuck Yeah!


[contextly_sidebar id="6okvg9WLVFWj644CsrIYKHXmiP07Roi4"]Updated: See end of post You know what makes America a great country? We're so exceptional that when we decide it's time to save the world from Radical Muslim Extremists, we save the world from Radical Muslim Extremists, and we take action against anyone vaguely fitting the description, regardless of whether they're actually radicals, extremists, or even Muslims. Consider these stirring stories of Exceptional Americans protecting their country the old fashioned way, through vigilante violence! Also, Iowa Rep. Steve King, if you're paying attention, here's some discrimination against Muslims, since you were unaware of such a thing.

Houston Patriot Burns Mosque For Baby Jesus

In Houston, Texas, some brave soul kept Texas safe from the threat of Creeping Sharia by setting a mosque on fire on Christmas, in keeping with Isaiah 9:6, "For unto us a child is born, unto us arson is given." Investigators say the fire at the small mosque, located in a strip mall, had multiple ignition locations and was likely intentionally set. The two-alarm blaze broke out about an hour after Friday evening worship services attended by roughly 200 people. Much of the rear of the mosque was burned; worshipers have moved to an empty space in the same shopping plaza until repairs can be made. Several other businesses in the shopping center were damaged by smoke.

Mustafaa Carroll, the executive director of the Houston branch of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, called on authorities to investigate the fire as a hate crime:

Because of the recent spike in hate incidents targeting mosques nationwide, we urge law enforcement authorities to investigate a possible bias motive for this fire.

That seems like a pretty good bet, all right. But really, couldn't you just as easily say they were the flames of liberty, kindled in the true American heart of someone who just wants his country back? (See Update at end of post)

Unknown Patriot Wishes 'Molotov' To California Mosque

On Saturday, the Islamic Center of Tracy, California, was hit by a Molotov cocktail thrown at its front door; the improvised firebomb, made from a wine bottle, exploded in flames but did only superficial damage to the outside of the mosque. The attack occurred early in the morning and no one was inside the building. Lt. Mike Van Grouw of the San Joaquin Sheriff's Office said because the crime was committed against a place of worship, it would automatically be investigated as a hate crime, which sounds like a reasonable approach. Mohammed Arain, the Islamic Center's president, said it was the first such incident in the mosque's history:

"(In the) last 15 years, we've never called the Sheriff's Department," Arain said. "(It's the) first time." [...]

"I was actually astonished," [mosque board member Gahleb] Abdulla said. "I have been living in Tracy for 15 years, and we've never had any incident."

[contextly_sidebar id="ATeW82h6CXF1OdIJ1DYx3wIvUunLer16"]This is the second firebombing of a California mosque since the terrorist attack in San Bernardino; on Dec. 11, a mosque in Coachella Valley was damaged by an improvised incendiary device. A 23-year-old man was arrested in that attack; no arrests have been made in either the Tracy or Houston arsons.

Patriotic Thugs Beat Up Old Man, For America

And just because sometimes setting fire to buildings isn't enough to satisfy the bloodlust inspired by the love of America, two white males took time out of their busy Saturday morning to severely beat a 69-year-old Sikh man in Fresno. Amrik Singh Bal was waiting for a ride to work at about 6:30 a.m. when he got a taste of True Americanism:

Two white males stopped their car in front of Bal and started yelling obscenities at him, said Fresno police Sgt. Greg Noll. Fearing for his safety, Bal attempted to cross the street. It was then that the suspects backed up their car, hitting Bal with their back bumper, Noll said.

Then the two got out of the car and attacked Bal – striking him in the face and upper body.

During the assault, one of the suspects yelled “Why are you here?”

Bal fell to the ground and hit his head.

We bet those boys feel right proud of how they did their part in the war on terror. Or the war to terrorize fellow Americans, at least. Mr. Bal suffered a broken collar bone as well as abrasions to his nose and one hand. Bet he never commits any more terrorism, now! As everyone knows, old men with beards need the occasional beating, lest they become Osama bin Laden. Talking Points Memo is careful to point out, "Though Sikhism and Islam are two distinct religions, the beard and turban traditionally worn by Sikh men, including Bal, make them particularly visible targets for religiously-motivated hate crimes." Not that a hate crime against an actual Muslim would have somehow been worth extra credit, of course.

Sgt. Noll said the attack on Mr. Bal was being investigated as a hate crime; this is also the second attack directed against Sikhs in California by idiots who figure anyone with a turban and a beard is a Muslim terrorist. On Dec. 5, a Sikh temple in Buena Park was vandalized by 20-year-old Brodie Durazo, who was arrested and later apologized to the congregation for being a violent bigoted idiot. The moron spray-painted "Islahm [sic] Fuck ISIS" on the building and a truck trailer parked nearby.

In his apology, Durazo said:

I cannot imagine the amount of stress or tension that I brought upon your temple, especially with what is going on in this world at this time. I do offer my sincere apologies, and, with all being said, I hope you can come to a realization that I did not mean for the gurdwara to feel targeted. I have lived alongside this temple for many years of my life and have never once seen you as anything but a peaceful people. I just hope that you will see by my presence that all I want is for peace as well.

Which is nice and all, but doesn't exactly explain what in his broken brain persuaded Durazo to attack a house of worship in the first place. Maybe he just loved America too much.

Yr Wonkette urges the Islamic Center of Tracy and Mr. Bal to bill all their damages to:

Mr. Donald J. Trump,

The Trump Organization

725 5th Avenue

New York, NY 10022

USA

We hear he's really big on personal responsibility.

UPDATE: January 2: On Wednesday, December 30, a member of the Houston mosque was arrested in the arson, as several gleeful wingnuts have pointed out in the comments. (Thanks for the traffic, Newsbusters!) The Houston Chronicle reports that Gary Nathaniel Moore was a member of the mosque and had attended prayers shortly before the fire:

Assistant Harris County District Attorney Justin Wood said surveillance video shows Moore was the last to leave the mosque on South Wilcrest and emerged from the building three minutes before flames appear.

The mid-afternoon fire was tamped out by Houston firefighters responding to the two-alarm blaze.

Wood said a bottle of lighter fluid was found near one of five ignition points in the mosque.

Investigators searching Moore's home found another bottle that seemed to match the one at the crime scene.

It's not clear what Moore's motive was, but clearly, this proves that there is no bigotry against Muslims. Neither Newsbusters nor any of the wingnut commenters on this piece mentioned the other two attacks in the article, although it's possible Mr. Moore is also guilty of torching the mosque in California and beating up Amrik Singh Bal. We're certain we'll get a fine explanation of how all recent hate crimes against Muslims have in fact been false flag attacks by Muslims on themselves and their own houses of worship.

[TPM / KHOU / Click2Houston / KCRA via TPM / nbcnews.com / Fresno Bee via TPM Update: Houston Chronicle]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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