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So now we guess it is the Republicans having a debate every blasted Saturday when decent people just want to watch anything else? After the Great Winnowing of the New Hampshire primaries, the six remaining GOP candidates for president -- five, if you only count the ones who'll be awake -- are gathering in Greenville, South Carolina, for another thrilling chance to yell at each other about who will bomb ISIS the hardest and appoint the most Scalia-like people to the Supreme Court. And Yr Wonkette will be right there with you, if by "with" you mean setting up an open thread and hitting the beer.

Fine, I have no life. What time, network, etc?

9 p.m. on the CBS television network. Remember broadcast TV? This is that. That's 6 Pacific, and in the completely imaginary "Mountain time zone," it will not be shown, just like it won't be on in Fillory. Hey, we could catch up on our DVR'd episodes of The Magicians! (The book was better.)

I don't have a TV because I'm better than other mortals. Where can I view this dumb thing?

It will stream at "CBSN," with many extra features including "enhanced graphics to showcase real-time Google Trends data and a curated Twitter stream." So yay, smaller screen, more crap on it! CBS also has a bunch of apps-n-crap for viewing it on an iPhone, Android, or the interactive Internet-enabled sex doll of your choice.

You didn't mention the 'kids' table' debate!

None of these things have adult supervision anymore. You won't even have Jim Gilmore to kick around this time. And to think, things were finally looking up for ol' Gil.

Which insufferable pillocks are still running, again?

After the departures of Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina, we're down to Donald "She said Rubio's a Pussy" Trump, Ted "Backpfeifengesicht" Cruz, Marco "I am Not Programmed to Respond in that Area" Rubio, John "Only 'Moderate' in Comparison to These Bozos" Kasich, Jeb "Please give me a nickname too" Bush, and Ben "Entertainment Value" Carson.

Will Wonkette be liveblogging this crime against decency?

As usual, Dok will sit with you in the comments and hold your hand through the scary parts, but he's also gotta get a food at some point. When you look back and see only one set of footprints in the sand, those are the times he wandered away for beer.

How do people become Republicans, anyway?

We think it works something like this:

Wouldn't it be more fun to choose a president with an amusing card game from Wonkette?

Yes! It would be. Once everyone contributes to our Kickstarter here, maybe America will see the sense of choosing its leaders through funny card games! We have been plugging it SO HARD and we need to make our goal, or one of the bloggers here may be indentured to Donald Trump. Can you stand having that on your conscience?

Now watch these idiots yell at each other, OK?

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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