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WAIT, WHAT??? Someone threatened Stormy Daniels with violence if she talked about her affair with Donald Trump?


Mika Brzezinski: Was she threatened in any way?

Avenatti: Yes.

Brzezinski: Was she threatened physical harm?

Avenatti: Yes.

Scarborough: Oh, wow!

Oh, wow, indeed! What the hell is going on here? Look, we make fun of Michael Cohen for being the world's worst lawyer. We call him Trump's fixer, sure. But threatening violence? WHOA, IF TRUE!

But Avenatti wasn't done. Here he is on Cuomo talking about all the other women coming forward with similar stories of bumping their bathing suit bits with Donald Trump.

We have been approached by six separate women who claim to have similar stories to that of my client. Two of those women, at least two, have NDAs. We are in the very early stages of vetting those stories.

OH.

This is Shelly, Playmate of the Month June 2005. She spanked the president with a copy of Time. This is Tina, Playmate of the Month February 2010. She spanked the president with a copy of Bloomberg Weekly. This is Heather, last seen in Horny Schoolgirls Part 12. She tried to spank the president with a copy of the Wall Street Journal, but he made this weird, high-pitched shriek about the ink or something, and it totally ruined the mood.

Hey, remember that passage from Michael Wolff's Fire and Fury where he quotes Steve Bannon saying,

Look, Kasowitz has known [Trump] for twenty-five years. Kasowitz has gotten him out of all kinds of jams. [...] Kasowitz on the campaign — what did we have, a hundred women? Kasowitz took care of all of them.

We're going to take a wild guess and say that Michael Cohen made such a hash of the Daniels payout precisely because it wasn't his job and he was freelancing. He didn't know what he was doing, and there was no way to reimburse him through the Trump Organization without raising red flags. Marc Kasowitz, Trump's personal attorney, was probably more effective -- which is why you haven't heard from those "hundred women." YET.

But Michael Avenatti isn't a sycophantic bagman like Cohen. He's not a guy who can be baited into disgracing himself once he gets a couple of drinks in him, like Kasowitz. He's not going to get catfished, like Cobb and Dowd. Avenatti's a 47-year-old lawyer from California who understands how to play the media. And he's clearly trying to maneuver Trump into tweeting or smack talking about his client so he can claim Trump breached the NDA first. So let's see if President Impulse Control takes the bait!

DIS GON BE GOOD!

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Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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With the first Democratic debate coming up tonight (join us here for livebloog, dummies!), Elizabeth Warren is out with yet another policy proposal, this time to guarantee that all Americans have the easiest possible access to voting in federal elections. A good bit of it overlaps with the House Democrats' proposal, earlier this year, to guarantee voting rights. But Warren goes even beyond that ambitious plan a bit, because she is a badass who wants elections to be fair and free from computer hacking -- and from less exotic forms of fuckery. Needless to say, her insistence that all Americans should be able to vote will be decried as some kind of power grab, because that's what it is: a plan to grab power away from the Republicans who have engineered electoral advantages well beyond their actual support among Americans. You can see the bumper stickers now: FAIRNESS ISN'T FAIR.

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