But really, WHY IS NEWT GINGRICH? The man resigned from the House in disgrace 20 years ago, and yet he continues to blight the political landscape. This is a guy who impeached Bill Clinton for having an affair with an intern, while he himself was having an affair with Callista Bisek, a congressional aide twenty-three years his junior. He served his then wife with divorce papers in the hospital as she was dying of cancer. And now he and Callista, the current Mrs. Gingrich, represent America to the Holy See in Rome. Because, who better, amirite?

And who better than this ethical bastion to lecture us on the morality of the coronavirus pandemic. To wit, who is good?

Well, Donald Trump, obviously.

"President Trump was right to cut off travel from China as soon as it was clear how big the pandemic was going to be. He saved American lives and bought time for America to be more prepared as the pandemic developed," writes Newt on his website.

And who is the evil villain here?

Well, of course it is.


Donald Trump has been feeding Americans a load of horseshit about the virus since January.

"We have it very well under control," he said.

"Well, we pretty much shut it down coming in from China," he said.

"Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away," he said.

"We had 12, at one point. And now they've gotten very much better. Many of them are fully recovered," he said.

But obviously it's the lamestream media's fault that people believed Donald Trump's lies. Ditto for the time that Newt Gingrich himself downplayed the crisis and made fun of San Francisco because, LOL, how even do you quarantine so many grody homeless people, Sean?

Did you believe Newt Gingrich on February 27, a whole two-and-a-half weeks ago, when he scoffed that, "San Francisco, in its usual irresponsible way, has already declared an emergency even though no one in San Francisco has so far shown that they have the disease"? Well, thanks, Obama!

This is obviously the fault of the failing New York Times MSDNC Fake News CNN Librul Media Complex! Because you sure as hell can't blame the guy who pioneered the newspeak where the GOP relentlessly deploys labels like "radical," "sick," and "traitors," and "Appl[ies] these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party." It wasn't Newt who poisoned the well, it was the socialist Democrat party!

And while we're memory-holing Newt's entire career, let's toss in that time he shut down the government because of his religious devotion to balancing the budget. Now's the time to spend, spend, spend, deficits be damned says Newt 2.2020.

As President Trump and the Congress consider what we must do to keep America growing and prosperous they have to recognize that we may need to grow strongly enough to help pull Europe out of a deep recession by this fall. We can't just think about what is happening economically in the United States. A collapsing Europe would have huge impact on the entire world economy including America.

We do not need a "stimulus" package or a "recovery" package. We need an economic growth package that stimulates and invests in the kind of development that grows a bigger, better, more productive, more competitive American economy for the future.

Yep, that's our Newt preaching the gospel of globalization. The US government needs to prop up poor Europe, to prevent the spread of economic contagion. Which is interesting for a guy whose entire schtick consists of inveighing against the dangers of socialism. Here he is in Newsweek last May:

I like the term "prosperity cycle" because it captures the cyclical nature of good policies leading to growth, which then reinforces good policies.

By contrast, socialists and Democrats favor a "poverty cycle" in which the economy decays, taxes are high, people lose their jobs and are forced onto food stamps.

Whatever you do — and we mean WHATEVER YOU DO — kindly ignore the economic growth under Democratic presidents over say the last century and the recessions under the Republican ones. We were given to understand that the most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" but the real problem seems to be Democrats and socialists making food stamps available to help people eat. Darn you liberal media!

[Gizmodo / Gingrich360 / NYT / Newsweek]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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