How Should Tobacco Companies Celebrate Florida Victory?

How Should Tobacco Companies Celebrate Florida Victory?

The Florida Supreme Court yesterday decided to give their stamp of approval for the overturning of an earlier $145 billion decision against the tobacco industry. That's a lot of money, and I think the industry should celebrate by blowing it all on, you know, fun things! Here's a few suggestions for neat ways they can spend the mad-money they don't have to give to unfun healthcare and boring education:

  • Purchase 446 million Emilio Pucci printed turtlenecks, enough for almost every man, woman, and child in the European Union. Probably enough if you leave out the babies.

  • Stage the greatest demolition derby EVER with five million Hummer H3s.

  • Make Sherwin-Williams' slogan a thrilling reality by covering the earth with over two billion cans of candy apple red automotive touch-up paint.

  • Or upholster the world instead with 5.6 billion yards of sparkly hot-pink Naugahyde (please?).

  • Surprise the People's Republic of China with 87 billion cans of Silly String.

Big Award on Tobacco Is Rejected by Court [NYT]


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