How Should Tobacco Companies Celebrate Florida Victory?
The Florida Supreme Court yesterday decided to give their stamp of approval for the overturning of an earlier $145 billion decision against the tobacco industry. That's a lot of money, and I think the industry should celebrate by blowing it all on, you know, fun things! Here's a few suggestions for neat ways they can spend the mad-money they don't have to give to unfun healthcare and boring education:
- Purchase 446 million Emilio Pucci printed turtlenecks, enough for almost every man, woman, and child in the European Union. Probably enough if you leave out the babies.
- Stage the greatest demolition derby EVER with five million Hummer H3s.
- Make Sherwin-Williams' slogan a thrilling reality by covering the earth with over two billion cans of candy apple red automotive touch-up paint.
- Or upholster the world instead with 5.6 billion yards of sparkly hot-pink Naugahyde (please?).
- Surprise the People's Republic of China with 87 billion cans of Silly String.