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How Sweet: Politico Helps Students Prepare For The AP US Government & Politics Exam

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Politico has decided to encourage bad habits, like following laughable presidential campaigns and cramming, by trying to teach 10 lessons on AP Government & Politics by May 15, which is the day that Young America takes these "advanced" multiple choice and essay tests on the only nation in the world. It is only up to Lesson 4, which is called "Gaffe-ing Out Loud." It proposes that if you read an article by one M. Haberman on how surrogates have figured in the 2012 election, which is one of the most historic of ever, you might score well because they are definitely going to ask a question or two about Mitt Romney's fired gay spokesperson Richard Grenell (no they will not). To emphasize important things, the lessons include keywords that are both italicized and bolded (paging The Conservative Teen, RIP!) And at the end of each "lesson" is a "test"! One of the questions in the "test" at the end of this particular "lesson" is, "What do you think about the topic of this POLITICO article?" You are going to Harvard, all thanks to Politico.


Here is a paragraph of randomly emphasized words and unsubstantiated conjectures about how modern presidential elections work.

Political party bosses grew less important and party elites held less sway as presidential primaries and caucuses made the national party conventions much less relevant in actually selecting the party nominees.

A successful presidential candidate must employ a giant marketing campaign with the ultimate task of staying on message during more than two years of planning and execution. You win if your handlers can articulate your campaign message persistently. You lose if you are saddled with the wrong impression.

Giant marketing campaign. What is a marketing? Also, "staying on message during more than two years of planning and execution." If that is a question (and even if it isn't), the answer is False.

OK, we think we're ready to take the test!

1. What are the most important steps in building a successful presidential campaign?

Being a disgusting liar with lots of rich friends, or if you are unable to do that, being not old.

2. Explain why campaigns have become more candidate-centered and less party-centered.

It is fun. Americans they like Twitter and pictures of people. They like to see people who are not too wrinkly and can speak loudly and hate whoever is in office right now alot.

3. What are the positives and negatives of allowing party supporters to nominate candidates in primary elections?

Pass.

4. What do you think about the topic of this POLITICO article? What’s your opinion about candidates being held accountable for comments made by supporters?

It's ok. Candidates are not as smart as supporters because they have more to say and the more they say the more stressed out and stupid they might sound, so supporters need to sometimes say things for them when they are not around and they have more time to think, and, people like them because they have not seen them so much, and. so.

PREP's Bonus Challenge:

What have been some of the most important public endorsements made in recent presidential campaigns, and why?

Abraham Lincoln

Sarah palin

Ivanka Trump

Albert Bloomberg

We are ready for this test! We could take it today. [Politico PREP!]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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