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roy orbison singing fer the lonely hey that's me and i want you only - WonketteJust when you thought every possible variation of Election 2008 website has already been started and hated, here's one that is actually kind of funny: Lonely Candidate. Whether Republican or Democrat, white or one of the two blacks, Mexican or Mexican Hater, all candidates share one stupid habit: They're all sure they're the "only candidate" to do or promise to do whatever thing candidates do or promise to do, once they're never elected president.


Here are some "fun" highlights from this new website we will try to remember to check on every once in a while:

* Mike Huckabee says he's the "only Republican presidential candidate in the history of the country to go speak to the NEA."

* Dennis Kucinich is the "only candidate willing and eager to challenge the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies."

* Barry Hussein Obama is ""the only candidate that can unite people to get things done."

* Chris Dodd says: "I'm the only candidate that gets mail from the American Association of Retired Persons and diaper service."

Oh this is so awesome. Now we're the only Wonkette Editor that's going to eat some poison, the end.

Because it's lonely being the only [Lonely Candidate]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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