How You Feelin' Today, Lindsey Graham And Ron Johnson? Like Sh*t? Good.

We did it. We did it. We did it!

The smartypantses like Dave Wasserman at the Cook Political Report called both Georgia Senate runoff races before we went to bed, and the networks declared Raphael Warnock the winner of his race in the middle of the night. They'll figure out that Jon Ossoff also won at some point today, probably, or maybe by the time he sponsors his first bill in the Senate.

But we did it. The Senate is ours, motherfuckers. The House is ours, motherfuckers. The presidency is ours, motherfuckers. (And maybe with Stacey Abrams in charge we won't fuck it up in 2022, motherfuckers!)

And now has come the time for gloating about what that means. Of course, there will be a whole entire Wonkette post today about how this means Mitch McConnell will now be the MINORITY LEADER in the Senate.

But can we take a moment to note that Donald Trump's very favorite committee chairs in the Senate, Lindsey Graham at Judiciary and Senate's Dumbest Republican Ron Johnson at Homeland Security, will no longer be Donald Trump's favorite committee chairs at those committees?

We tweeted this last night when Wasserman called the whole shebang for the Dems:

We awarded Ron Johnson Wonkette's coveted 2020 Legislative Shitheel of the Year award on New Year's Eve, and therein detailed his many offenses against America, truth, and all people with brains everywhere. We wrote every word about how Ron Johnson spent the better part of two years trying to be the Russian propaganda he wanted to see in the world, to help Trump steal the 2020 election from Joe Biden. In other words, we already wrote the post about what a garbage asshole he is, very many times, and we will surely have to write it again, but if you need to dance on his political sadnesses, hit up all those links.

Lindsey Graham, though.

Lindsey Graham, after obnoxiously winning re-election against Jaime Harrison, after he begged for money every time he went on Fox News, will not be chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee. He will not be presiding over hearings for 25-year-old moron wingnut judges nominated to lifetime positions on the federal judiciary. He will not be caterwauling his balls off about how it's NO FAAAAAAAIR that people keep coming forward to say Donald Trump's latest Supreme Court nominee tried to rape them back in the day. Not only because Trump won't be president and President Biden won't be sending rapey trash nominees like Brett Kavanaugh to the Senate, but also because Lindsey Graham won't be chair of the Judiciary Committee.

Lindsey Graham stuck his dick in to try to help steal Georgia for Donald Trump, oh yes, before Donald Trump tried 18 times to call Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, Lindsey Graham was on the phone with him like DURRRR THROW OUT LEGAL ABSENTEE VOTES AND MAKE TRUMP PRESIDENT AGAIN? After all that, Lindsey Graham won't be a committee chair anymore.

After ALLLLLL THOSE BULLSHIT INVESTIGATIONS Graham led in the Senate, going on snipe hunts to help Donald Trump absolve himself of all responsibility for his 2016 election-stealing crimes with Russia. After Lindsey Graham said shit like this:

"Anybody that was told about the unreliability of the dossier and continued to use it, they're good candidates to go to jail or lose their job," Graham huffed to the Post. "Somebody needs to be held accountable for what happened here, and we're going to be in the accountability business."

After all that, Lindsey Graham will not be chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

He was sending subpoenas for Obama people as recently as like five minutes ago, to Just Ask Questions about whether they did Deep State witch hunts to steal the election from Trump, and to investigate the investigators in the FBI's original Russia investigation and the Mueller investigation. To be clear, in so doing, he was literally helping Trump absolve Vladimir Putin of responsibility for his attack on the 2016 election. He lied and said the Mueller Report TOTALLY EXONERATED Donald Trump, and demanded extra-special special counsels to investigate Hillary Clinton and God even knows what else.

Honestly, we could spend all day writing about all the interference Lindsey Graham ran for Trump and Putin the past several years, and we still wouldn't hit it all. And now he won't be chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

And after ALLLLLL THOSE DAYS spent on the golf course with Donald Trump, feasting like a pilot fish on whatever scraps of power Trump left lying around, Lindsey Graham officially ain't got no president to follow around like a puppy, because Trump ain't gonna be president, because he's pretty much ruined his relationship with President-elect Joe Biden, and also because he ain't gonna be the Senate committee chair of shit.

Fuck off, Lindsey Graham. Hope losing all your credibility and self-respect was worth it.

Oh by the way, Chuck Grassley will also no longer be chair of the Senate Finance Committee. So that's fun too. Roy Blunt won't be chair of the Senate Rules Committee. In terms of seniority, that will go to Amy Klobuchar, recently re-elected Gary Peters will get Homeland, and Ron Wyden will get finance. Dianne Feinstein will NOT be chair of the Judiciary Committee, as she stepped aside a couple months ago. Who gets that one is at this point unclear, but maybe Dick Durbin or Sheldon Whitehouse.

We hope Lindsey Graham and Ron Johnson are having a bad day today, because they have earned it.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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