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Hey, TOP TEN!

We have been informed that Wonkette toddler cut her own hair this week and opted for a business in the front, party in the back approach. Then Editrix Rebecca fixed it for her. WHO CUT THE MULLET BETTER? Vote in the comments!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler right there doing Halloween things like a SPOOKY BUNNY RAWR.

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Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Beto O'Rourke Packing Up His Air-Drumsticks And Your Diner's Countertops And Going Home

9. Uh Oh! Someone Said 'Condom' On TV And Now The One Million Moms Need Their Smelling Salts

8. Can We Also Vote For Kate McKinnon's Elizabeth Warren?

7. President Reading Rainbow Will Beat Impeachment By Confessing Crimes On TV

6. Tucker Carlson Done With Pete Buttigieg's Man Stew, Talkin' 'Bout Adam Schiff's Big Gulps Now

5. The Devil Can Legally Turn You Into 'The Little Mermaid' On Halloween, Says 'Former Satanist'

4. An Open Letter To 'Conservative Christians' Who Feel As Though The Left Hates Them And Their Traditional Values

3. BREAKING: TRUMP SUFFERS GREATEST DEFEAT IN HISTORY OF WORLD

2. Some Dipshits Went On 'The View' Today

1. Sorry I Freaked Out At You Guys Last Night

Those are good stories!

OK that is all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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