Iceland, The Country, Basically Gives Up


We last heard of "Iceland" in the fall during those first exciting weeks of the Global Great Depression, when our proudly "interconnected" global economy did what it ultimately was designed to do: self-implode all at once. Since most/all of Iceland's prosperity in the last decade was derived from a burgeoning financial sector, all of its banks immediately defaulted and were nationalized; the government raised interests rates to 18% or so to secure a do-or-die loan from the evil IMF, leading other European countries to call them losers and de-friend them, and voila: welcome to the THIRD WORLD, Iceland! Hope you remembered to pack a lunch! This was the backdrop for this week's developments, in which every government official got cancer and resigned, and then the government *itself* resigned, and now they're just going to let some lesbian run everything.

Everyone in Iceland hated the Prime Minister, this "Geir Haarde," who led the Independence party, which is like Iceland's version of the Republican party that ruined everything. (By European standards, this would make them slightly to the right of, say, Paul Krugman). Icelanders lost all of their money in the fall and have been throwing eggs at his limousine ever since. No one ever said these people were kind.

Fortunately for Haarde, Jesus gave him an excuse to finally quit last week: throat cancer. Hooray! On Friday he announced that he would resign because of this godsend terrible cancer, and new elections would be held in May.

Haarde's Independence party is in an alliance with Iceland's second largest party, the Social Democrats, so hey, maybe for these next few months their leader -- who's also the Foreign Minister -- could pick up the some of the workload, until the elections? Oh, nevermind, because she also has cancer. Small world!

So the Prime Minister has cancer... Foreign Minister has cancer... well maybe they have some Domestic or Economic Minister to run things for a few months? Ahhhh, here we go: a Commerce Minister! He can be pretend leader for a little while!

Or... he could just pussy out.

REYKJAVIK, Iceland (AP) - Iceland's commerce minister quit Sunday citing the pressures of the nation's economic collapse, as the country's political leaders failed to agree on how to lead country out of its financial crisis.

Crap crap crap! OK, OK, uhh... really scraping the bottom of the barrel here but... maybe this commerce pussy had a deputy, or a second-in-command, or some other mid-level government executive??

... [He] also fired the head of the Iceland's financial supervisory authority.

Screw it. Time for the Hobo Jungle!

The "President" of Iceland accepted this hilarious declaration of failure and let the Social Democrats lead the effort to create a new government with the help of a group of angry hippies called the "Left-Greens."

Obviously, the gays will now run everything.

Foreign Minister and chairwoman of the Social Democrats Ingibjörg Sólrún Gísladóttir proposed that Sigurdardóttir replace Geir H. Haarde, chairman of the Independence Party, as prime minister yesterday, Fréttabladid reports.

Sigurdardóttir said the idea had only been discussed with her yesterday morning.

If Sigurdardóttir does become prime minister, she will be the first woman to serve as prime minister in the country’s history and also the first openly gay prime minister in the world.

And all it took for the gays to reach this special moment in history was for literally every straight person in Iceland to turn down the job.

Iceland's center-left party to lead new government [AP]

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