Idaho Lawmaker Will Make Sure Kids Learn Science Directly From King James Bible

Good cover for a science textbook.

You know how stupid liberal science textbooks are. They're all, "Once upon a time there was nothing, but then the universe banged itself real hard, and then a bunch of atoms shot out and landed on earth and turned into fishes, which turned into dinosaurs, which turned into monkeys, which finally turned into humans, and everybody lived happily ever after, and hated Jesus so much."

Yeah well, Idaho lady state Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll (R-Her Own Ass) is going to change that. She introduced Idaho SB 1321, which would make sure that whenever teachers feel the need to fill in the blanks in science classes by indoctrinating Bible into Idaho schoolchildren's heads, they will be allowed:

The Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, United States and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.

Oh thank God, quite literally! And YAY, the bill passed out of the Senate Education Committee, even though some Democrat senator rudely pointed out that it's already OK to use the Bible as a reference when appropriate, like in classes that might have fuckall to do with the Bible:

Sen. Janie Ward-Engelking, D-Boise, questioned the need for the law, since teachers can already use the Bible anyway.

“Once we start spelling out religious texts,” she said, “we open up the door to spelling out many, many more.”

“That, I guess, could be a possibility,” Nuxoll said. However, she drew a distinction between the Bible and other religious texts, saying the Bible is “embedded” in American culture.

And it's just unfair for the Bible to be disallowed from astronomy, biology, geology and whatever other science-y classes they have in Idaho. Now, if you are the type of liberal who aborts the baby Jesus in your heart every day as an afternoon pick-me-up, you might not understand how the Bible is relevant to those classes. Here are but three examples of how it could be incorporated:

  • When Jesus gets tired of the universe, He is going to shoot through space and come back to earth on top of some clouds. Using your knowledge of astronomy, meteorology and physics, HOW JESUS GONNA DO THAT?
  • When Jesus was crucified, He was buried in a tomb guarded by a yoooooge rock, but when He raised hisself from the dead on the third day, some ladies saw that the yooooooge rock had been moved away and Jesus was gone. Using your knowledge of geology, HOW JESUS MOVE THAT BIG ROCK?
  • When Jesus was conceived, God gave a hunk of God sperms to his BFF Gabriel The Angel and sent him to wake Mary The Virgin up in the middle of the night and knock her up with the baby Jesus. Using your knowledge of biology, HOW IS BABBY JESUS FORMED?

Obviously Sen. Nuxoll's bill is very important for Idaho education. And it's not like she's crazy or nothin': she also thinks Obamacare is just like the Holocaust; she's pretty sure common child support bills often lead to Sharia law; and she gets real mad when so-called Hindus gallivant up into the state senate and start blibber-blobbering prayers to fake Hindu gods.

[contextly_sidebar id="87B7OwNhRh7OfwDpcWj6ik86iatalptP"]And now, if Nuxoll is successful, Idaho kids will get to learn all the scientific workings of how Adam and Eve boned all of humanity into existence 6000 years ago and dinosaurs were really just really huge old grandma and grandpa lizards and other fun #science knowledge like that. Totally normal.

[ / Idaho SB 1321 via RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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