Are we sure? Pretty sure he only said one thing.

Lucian Wintrich, the former White House correspondent for Gateway Pundit (his twitter bio now says he's the "NYC Bureau Chief," though we suspect he just means his dresser), really has found his niche as the heir apparent to the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft. A while back, Wintrich yelled at Native American kids who flipped off Mount Rushmore, saying, "They break into our country, steal resources, then do shit like this. And libs still wonder why we are pushing for immigration controls..." That prompted what we're pretty sure is the only truly intelligent reply to virtually anything Wintrich ever says: "Wow, how do you not fall over more?"

Looks like it's time for Wintrich to pitch messily forward into his soup again, since he's decided to explain to Bernice King that she really has no idea what she's talking about when she talks about her father, Martin Luther King. For context, Ms. King was replying to that Food Channel dorkwad who declared "straight white male" the "new n-word" (but didn't see the need to abbreviate it as he did the other word, so, point made, guy). Dorkwad was trying to give his fuzzy ideas gravitas, so he insisted, "Saying 'my label for you invalidates your opinion or your place in society' is literally what Dr. King fought against."

Well, Bernice King happened to have herself right there, so she took the opportunity to tell dorkwad "You know nothing of my father's work":

Which is to say, no, you pillock, straight white males are not oppressed, and please go stick your head in a pig.

Mr. Wintrich wasn't about to let the daughter of the man who gave a brilliant one-sentence speech about the evils of affirmative action get away with that, because while she may be the CEO of the King Center, she has apparently completely forgotten that when Martin Luther King dreamed that one day his four little children would not get any special privileges because of the color of their skin, he meant she could never say anything bad about white people (we're using the White Republican translation there):

Of course Wintrich had more to say, because who really knows what Martin Luther King Jr. was all about: his daughter, who runs the nonprofit dedicated to her parents' mission of nonviolent social change, or some guy who REALLY knows that Martin Luther King Jr. loved nothing more than having snippets of his speeches quoted disingenuously by rightwing bros?

Honestly, we're surprised he didn't go Full Palin and proclaim that King loved The Troops. He completely ignored that "poverty" thing so he could insist the REAL MLK was a fan of free enterprise. Still, when some smartass asked, "Um, who wants to tell him?" Wintrich was ready with a big bucket of stupid:

Actually, we could kind of buy that, given the whitewashing of King as a nice man who thought nice thoughts about people just getting along, because he was nice that way, and only dreamed that everyone would be a Republican like he never was. But Wintrich is perhaps a bit hasty in assuming everyone else is as ignorant as he is -- or pretends to be. Nobody was was buying that bullshit, either:

Wintrich, who does at least know how to troll, quickly explained the real point: Bernice King is wrong about her father because he never would have liked trans people.

Oh, yeah, and King said unkind things about white people -- no, not all of them, because he was way smarter than a Gateway Pundit bureau chief -- from time to time:

Before he appeared to sputter out altogether, Wintrich explained that popular perception is what really matters more than anything King actually said. That, and the right's endless fascination with King the adulterer:

King "wasn't inflatable"? No, we have no idea.

[Update: As several Alert Wonkette Operatives note in the comments, that was probably supposed to be "infallible," and was perhaps mangled by "autocorrect," one of the most misnamed widgets out there. Thanks for the clarification, folks, but don't you know we don't allow comments? -- Dok Zoom]

So let's recap:

1) Bernice King really needs to pay better attention to the all-American color-blind racism-is-over things Lucian Wintrich thinks MLK stood for, because that was just the best!

2) Martin Luther King never said anything about racism or capitalism, but when he did he really only meant that once the Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Acts were passed, he was done.

3) Also, why would anyone think there's anything noble about a socialist womanizer, the end.

[Lucian Wintrich on Twitter / Forward]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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