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But they won't.


Let's look at our USA Today and see what kind of hard-hitting "news" it's got to share with us today:

Oh for Christ's sake, what have we just gotten ourselves into? Fine, we will read this article by "Melody Forbes," because we are sure she is one of those principled, smart Trump voters literally no one on earth has been hearing about:

I voted for Donald Trump because I wanted to see change in our country. One change I didn’t want to see was access to health care at Planned Parenthood blocked.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602833/hillary-clinton-just-woman-carded-all-over-planned-parenthood-and-it-was-the-best"></a>[/wonkbar]WELL IT'S A SHAME THERE WERE NO CANDIDATES NAMED "HILLARY CLINTON" IN THE RACE WHO MADE DEFENDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD ONE OF THE LADY CENTERPIECES OF THEIR LADY CAMPAIGNS.

Shall we keep going, or should we just take a shot of Adult Beverage and say fuck it?

Tricked you, we are doing both:

But Republican congressional leaders have already promised to do just that, with a provision to stop reimbursements for the health care Planned Parenthood provides.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/607245/mike-pence-compassionately-wants-to-nationalize-your-uterus"></a>[/wonkbar]No shit, asshole, defunding Planned Parenthood is kind of congressional Republicans' favorite thing. Know who ELSE really jizzes to high heaven over defunding Planned Parenthood? Vice President-elect Mike Pence, Mr. Fetus Funerals himself, the guy Trump picked to ACTUALLY run the place, while Trump's off being a CEO president, Making America Great Again, and taking weekends off.

Thing is, the writer acknowledges all this, but for some reason is skeptical of whether President Trump would actually sign such a bill. Instead of wasting our time speculating why she thinks this, we are just going to assume she is A Idiot.

Skipping way ahead:

My vote for Trump was not a vote against Planned Parenthood.

But kind of it was?

I voted for him based on the issues he campaigned on: creating jobs, making health care more affordable, and making our country great again. I voted for him because I trust him to get our economy moving again.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600212/donald-trump-will-bomb-sht-out-of-ladies-who-have-abortions-murder-their-families"></a>[/wonkbar]Yep, she's a moron. She thinks Trump was just foolin' when he said women who have abortions should be punished, or maybe she's just holding onto hope based on that one time Trump said he might be open to keeping funding for SOME of the lady services at Planned Parenthood. After all, if Planned Parenthood really does fiddle around in ladies' wherevers to keep them in good working order, then President Grab 'Em By The Pussy surely would want to PROTECT 'Em By The Pussy too, right?

I knew he would have to make promises to appease the anti-abortion wing of the Republican Party. I’m hopeful that Trump will see that defunding Planned Parenthood is the kind of campaign promise he shouldn’t keep. I did not vote to send him to the White House to take away health care from people struggling to get by.

Ahem ... didn't he kind of run on taking healthcare away from ladies and black people (what his supporters think of as "Obamacare," even though millions of them are on it), and isn't that what the Republican Congress is hard at work doing right now?

Anyway, this lady is dumb (and there are others like her apparently), she should have voted for Hillary Clinton, and we are bored now, so fuck it.

[USA Today]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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