Is Amy Coney Barrett's Catholic Jesus Batsh*t Cult Literally 'The Handmaid's Tale'?

Gonna tell my kids this is Amy Coney Barrett

We don't know if Donald Trump is going to nominate Amy Coney Barrett, who is literally batshit, to stinky up the seat of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, one of the greatest justices to ever sit on the Supreme Court. But if he does, all the Handmaid's Tale jokes will officially be too real.

When Coney Barrett sat for her confirmation hearing to the federal judiciary's Seventh Circuit seat she is currently stinky-ing up, California Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein memorably said to her, "the dogma lives loudly within you." Coney Barrett is the insane kind of Catholic. She has stated publicly that "life begins at conception," which is funny if you know anything about science and how well that fertilized egg survives in the wild if it fails to implant. She doesn't necessarily believe in observing precedent, if she thinks the case was decided incorrectly. (Hi, Roe v. Wade. How you hangin' on?)

She believes her (batshit) religious beliefs are more important than the law, when it comes to deciding cases. She doesn't even think the Miranda decision (no not Lin Manuel, the "Law & Order" thing where you get read your rights) was very good.

She's real bad at this. And batshit.

Before Trump nominated Coney Barrett to the Seventh Circuit, she had never been a judge before. Sure, why not put that fucking idiot on the Supreme Court? (Because she's only 48 and could potentially skullfuck America for 50 years if confirmed.)

Oh yeah, and this dumbass is also a longstanding member of the same type of Catholic Jesus club that was literally the inspiration for The Handmaid's Tale.

When Newsweek originally reported this story, it said the group, People of Praise, was the direct inspiration for the book. Now they've softened up their language to say it was groups along these lines that inspired Margaret Atwood.

Amy Coney Barrett [...] is affiliated with a type of Christian religious group that served as inspiration for Margaret Atwood's dystopian novel, The Handmaid's Tale.

Barrett, a devout Catholic, and her husband both belong to the People of Praise group, current and former members have said, according to The New York Times. Their fathers have served as leaders in the group.

According to its website, People of Praise is a "charismatic Christian community." It's mostly Catholic, but it has some other idiots in it too. Think like if the Pentecostals had a baby with the really conservative Catholics. That's People of Praise. We imagine its worst beliefs are hidden behind the log-in screen for members only, because the website's public-facing pages seem pretty benignly Jesus-y. But in reality, as Newsweek explains, they believe men are the bosses of their wives, and they have to all swear a really bizarre oath to each other. People who have escaped the group consider it to be a cult.

Here's where it gets real good:

Members of People of Praise are assigned to personal advisers of the same sex—called a "head" for men and "handmaid" for women, until the rise in popularity of Atwood's novel and the television series based on it forced a change in the latter.

Oh, like Aunt Lydia.

Newsweek has quotes from Atwood about how these types of group inspired her, how she thought her own ideas were a little bit too crazy, until she saw that she was writing things that were literally real:

'Then two things happened. I started noticing that a lot of the things I thought I was more or less making up were now happening, and indeed more of them have happened since the publication of the book."

She added: "There is a sect now, a Catholic charismatic spinoff sect, which calls the women handmaids. They don't go in for polygamy of this kind but they do threaten the handmaids according to the biblical verse I use in the book—sit down and shut up."

From Newsweek's reporting it seems like Atwood might be referring to a different cult of Catholics who have handmaids, called People of HOPE, not People of PRAISE.

It's fine, People of PRAISE sounds batshit enough:

[S]ome former members have described how "heads" and "handmaids"—now known as "leaders"—can play a huge role in the lives of members, such as directing their choice of partner, where they live and how they raise children. [...]

"They're very watchful of their people. They report things to your heads if they see you out doing things you're not supposed to be doing. It's very much a Big Brother type of thing," [former member Emily Declerq Flannery said].

Do they visit their houses with cattle prods like Aunt Lydia does?

As the National Catholic Reporter explains, Coney Barrett, as a married woman with seven children, would no longer have a handmaid — which, remember, in this real-life version of batshit is not a young woman her husband rapes regularly, but rather more like the boss of the single women. Again, like Aunt Lydia. As a married woman, Coney Barrett's boss is her husband.

If Serena Joy Amy Coney Barrett writes an opinion Commander Waterford her husband doesn't like, will he cut off her finger?

We are just asking.

Point is, this woman has no business on the Supreme Court. Like we said yesterday, it's time to be absolute motherfuckers and make sure that doesn't happen. And if it does, and we win the Senate and the presidency? GONNA NEED A BIGGER SUPREME COURT.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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