If Fox News Isn't 'Fair & Balanced' Anymore, Does That Mean God Is Dead Too?
Now what will Hannity hide behind?
Bad news, everyone. After 21 years of being the "Fair & Balanced" network, Fox News has decided to get rid of that slogan, one of the many things Roger Ailes left in his office before he got fired and then went to sexually harass all the lady demons in hell. As Gabriel Sherman explains in New York Magazine, the network decided to kill the slogan because everybody made fun of it and also because it was "too closely associated with Roger," according to an unnamed Fox exec.
As Sherman notes, this is a very big deal, because falsely advertising Fox News as "Fair & Balanced" was key to how they suckered all your dumb white aunts and uncles into mainlining right wing propaganda 24 hours a day, all while they thought they were watching the news. They wouldn't have been near as successful if they had called it "Bullshit For Gullible Racist Snowflakes," now would they?
Sherman reports that "A Fox News spokesperson confirmed that the network is dropping the slogan but said the branding change won’t affect programming or editorial decisions," so WHEW! For a second we were worried the Murdoch organization was going to get all wild and crazy and try to become a network that does actual journalism or something. That's WAY above Sean Hannity's pay grade, and while Tucker Carlson might be able to take a stab at being a normal reporter who doesn't get squashed like a delicate flower by lady writers from Teen Vogue, like maybe if they gave him a teleprompter, we are still worried he'd break a nail if he tried.
OK, so Fox is murdering "Fair & Balanced," but it's retaining everything else that makes it shitty. This means the network needs a new slogan, so we will come up with some ideas, then toss it to the commenters, then promise to award somebody a prize for the best slogan, then forget to do that. READY SET GO:
- "Tucker Then Fucker" -- to reflect that Tucker Carlson comes on at a time, and then an hour after that, fucker Sean Hannity comes on.
- "We Are Just Like Rachel Maddow! We Can Have Good Ratings Back Now?"
- "No Russia. No Russia. YOU'RE THE RUSSIA."
- "New Slogan. Same Great Sexual Harassment Lawsuits!"
- "Investigating BENGHAZI!!!!!1!! Since Before It Happened!"
- "Fox News: OUR Leggy Blondes Act Like REAL Ladies"
- "Are You Watching, Donald Trump? It's Me. God."
- "Fox News: Aren't You Glad Megyn's Not Here Bleeding From Her Wherever Anymore?"
- "The Stupidest People In Television And Also Shep Smith For Some Reason"
- "Fox News: No Matter What Month It Is, We're Fighting The War On Christmas!"
- "Where Greta Go?"
- "COME ON, CAN WE PUH-LEEEEEEEEZE SAY THE N-WORD? JUST ONCE OR NINE TIMES AN HOUR?"
- "Fox News: Not Afraid To Ask Hard Questions About Why Sharks Live In The Ocean"
- "Actually Fake News"
OK those are enough ideas. Now get to competing for the "prize" we are going to "award" for "Best Fox News Slogan." Or just yammering at each other in this, your open thread.
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