Take my wife, please, and Heil Hitler!

So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, "Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War." And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler's Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening?

The premise of the feature -- and this is solely from reading the caption to the hilarious Hitler On Broadway photo, because we are not allowed to tell you what's in the actual article until March 16, because the AP says so -- is that each horrific war gives painful vaginal birth to a new, exciting form of media technology.

The "technology" of World War II was, most famously, the "talkie" -- movies with sound! (Also: the Atomic Bomb.) Nobody knows when the first "talkie" was made, but it probably was this Hitler movie, which wasn't a Broadway play at all, apparently, but a "talkie." We don't know if Henny Youngman maybe just introduced the movie, in person -- "Take my wife to Germany, please!" -- or if he acted in it, or what. But the important thing is the movie with voices. This brought the war to life for the millions who did not know how to look at blogs.

The media technology of other wars includes film cameras (Lincoln's War of Northern Aggression), machine guns (World War One) and The Doors ('Nam). But nothing is as important as blogs. Did you know many bloggers are against the Iraq War? That's how that war ended! And so many blogs wanted George W. Bush to both lose the 2004 election and be impeached. That's why he was hanged! Oh and wingnut blogs caused democracy in Iraq because of purple fingers.

There is nothing to link to yet [Until Sunday!]


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