'If The President Does It, It's Not Obstruction Of Justice.' Wonkagenda for Mon., Dec. 4, 2017

Morning Wonketariat! What a weekend! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Democrats were running around the Sunday shows saying that they think Robert Mueller and his justice league of extraordinary investigators are building an obstruction of justice case against Trump.

After a tweet appeared on Trump's Twitter account that appeared to show admission of obstruction of justice, one of Trump's lawyers is now saying that the president can't be guilty of obstruction of justice. Serious question: Have we checked to make sure they all passed the bar?

As Trump descends deeper into the mouth of madness, White House aides have tried to "ignore" Trump's tweets, though privately they've begun to freak out with one person close to the president stating, "There's no strategy. They're literally making it up as they go along."

People are angry with Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch after he claimed that funding for CHIP lapsed due to a lack of money, only to vote in favor or a trillion dollar tax cut for the super rich. Apparently the GOP has taken a cue from Roy Moore and found another way to fuck children.

Sen. Chuck Grassley told his local news rag that he wants to give the super rich more money because they're not the ones "spending every darn penny they have...on booze or women or movies." Sen. Grassley then adjusted his straw boater, leered through a puff of smoke from his corncob pipe, and raised a barn.

Some of the biggest winners in the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) are tax breaks for the coal and nuclear industries, which will enjoy multi-billion dollars worth of write-offs.

If you're into Schadenfreude, here's how Mitch McConnell bought off all the tax fuckery hold-outs.

Brace yourselves! This is going to be a whirlwind week for Congress as they try to ram through a potential government shutdown, immigration reform, MORE Trump/Ryan tax fuckery, gun humping laws, Trump-Russia shenanigans, and the continued unraveling of Grab-ass Gate.

It's expected that Trump's White House will soon release its national security strategy, with a focus on homeland security (Mexicans), economic competitiveness (China), and technological attacks (Russia also China).

During a talk with the super rich guy who helped create the original Power Rangers and He-Man, Jared Kushner said he has a super secret plan to achieve peace in the Middle East, though he and his team were criticized for being "a bunch of Orthodox Jews who have no idea about anything.”

Details are still murky, but the State Department has been warning of violent protests ahead of a potential announcement to move the US Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, though the Times reports that Trump may just recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital.

Trump will head to Utah later today to piss on Obama's legacy of preserving the last vestiges of America's natural beauty by shrinking the size of Bears Ears and Staircase Escalade national monuments. (Wanna see what it looks like when thousands of Utahns stop being polite and start getting protesty? Click here!)

As Mitt Romney runs around Utah collecting money and Mormons, Trump is quietly trying to convince Sen. Orrin Hatch not to retire in order to block Mittens's almost inevitable Senate run. Even former President Bannon is attempting to whisper in Hatch's crusty, old ear.

The Westboro Baptist Church plans to protest Trump due to his history of philandering and grab-ass. Thanks but no thanks!

The Stanford douche-bro convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, Brock Turner, wants a new trial on the grounds that nobody was allowed to call him a good boy.

Early this morning Trump essentially endorsed ALLEGED pedophile Roy Moore in Alabama's Senate race. Filthy minds think alike.

Polls are all over the place for the Alabama Senate race, and it's anyone's guess who will win a contest between an ALLEGED pedophile and the guy who convicted the Klan.

Former House Rep. and literal super-hero Gabby Giffords has bought six figures worth of ads against eight different House Republicans ahead of a new bill meant to appease gun fetishists who wish they could carry their boomsticks wherever they want.

The neo-Nazi who founded the Daily Stormer is arguing his "troll storm" of anti-semitic murder threats and repeated harassment of a Jewish realtor from Montana is "free speech," and "political hyperbole."

Incensed by the Trump administration's refusal to investigate and prosecute certain crimes, the city of Chicago has announced the formation of a legal team to go after cases of corporate fuckery that Trump's government refuses to pursue. [Archive]

There's no nice way to say this, but the Charlottesville police really didn't care about the Nazi protests until it was too late, with one officer telling independent investigators, "We had our thumbs up our ass."

Trump has inspired the government of Myanmar to deny that it's ethnically cleansing Rohingya Muslims as "fake news."

The US and South Korea will conduct a massive military exercise that will utilize over 200 aircraft and 12,000 troops.

Russian state media says that North Korea is ready to talk with the US -- as long as Russia is part of those talks too.

A new report from the Government Accountability Office shows the tech sector is still dominated by white tech-bros and efforts to diversify their workforces have been poor.

Australia is taking a long hard look at Google and Facebook to see if the tech giants have been screwing with the free market of the media business.

As more and more tech companies lose troves of customer data to hacking, some Democrats are proposing a new bill that could see executives getting five-year prison sentences for trying to hide data breaches.

The estate of "American Sniper" Chris Kyle and Jesse "The Body" Ventura have agreed to squash a beef stemming from a bar fight where Kyle ALLEGEDLY knocked Ventura on his ass.

Donors Trust, a tax-exempt "donor-advised fund" with deep ties to the Koch brothers, made a 1.7 million dollar donation to Project Veritas. All that money and their logo still looks like a tampon commercial.

"Awkward" is the best way to describe the sparsely attended White House Holiday CHRISTMAS party, with one some joking that it should have been called the "Fox news holiday party."

Billy Bush penned an op-ed for the NYTimes where he accused Trump of engaging in "revisionist history" when he denies that he ever said he liked to "grab'em them by the pussy." Billy Bush PISSED Y'ALL.

Journalist Les Whitten passed away. Whitten had a wild ride spying on J. Edgar Hoover, harassed Watergate sources, and was the subject of an assassination plot by Nixon hatchet man G. Gordon Liddy for pissing off Tricky Dick.

And here's your late night wrap-up!Stephen Colbert got yelled at by Lewis Black; Jimmy Kimmelunnecessarily censored Star Wars; SNL had a Christmas cold open with the Hill-dawg and Mike Flynn.

And here's your morning Nice Time! A tiny goat herding rare pupper!

'Tis the season to help us pay the bills! Do your part!

Follow Dominic on Twitter and send him rare puppers!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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