Remember a month ago when Donald Trump promised he was going to pony up his own money for his presidential campaign?

Hahaha, of course you don't! September 8 was 22 million news cycles in the past.

Anyway, don't faint, kids, but President "$750 Federal Income Tax" never did come up with the cash. And now his campaign is having to make some hard choices, since they already burned through a billion dollars with nothing to show for it but a nine-point national polling deficit and a garage full of Ferraris at (one of) Brad Parscale's house(s).

After Bill Stepien took over from the chin pubes guru, he promptly yanked all their ads off the air to, umm, right the ship. Which is a polite way of saying he was desperately trying to scrape up some cash to get through the last 60 days of the campaign. Meanwhile, the Biden team hoovered up $365 million in August alone — $150 million more than the Trump campaign raised. Because it's easier to get people to give you money when they don't hate you and perceive you as a threat to all living things.


But there's thrift, and there's whatever the hell Stepien is doing with the Trump campaign's dwindling store of cash. It certainly makes sense to cut ad spending in Minnesota, where the president has lagged behind Biden for months. But BuzzFeed reports that they're off the air entirely in Ohio and Iowa, both of which were just moved to "toss up" by Cook Political and Crystal Ball.

If Stepien's logic is that if they can't carry it over the line in Ohio and Iowa, then it doesn't matter because they probably already lost Pennsylvania and Wisconsin ... well that might make sense. Particularly if they're putting the money into Florida and Georgia. Which they are, but BuzzFeed reports that they're also buying ads in Nevada and Arizona.

HENGHHHHHH???

Trump hasn't polled ahead of Biden in Arizona since March, and is currently trailing by an average of 4.3 points. And Martha McSally isn't so much toast as she is the petrified cinders that collect at the bottom of the toaster oven and won't even burn anymore.

Meanwhile, in Nevada, where both houses of the legislature, the statehouse, and five of their six-member congressional delegation are Democratic, Trump is behind by six. Why are they spending one single nickel there?

(My personal theory is that Adam Laxalt got the old man spun up about supposed voter fraud in Nevada, and now the Trump needle is just "stuck" on a blue state with a whopping six electoral votes. But there's always the possibility that someone told him he was doing well with Cubans in Florida, and he heard "All Latinos love you, Mister President, sir.")

Three guesses where Mike Pence is not quarantining today.

Can we zoom in on that crowd photo?

Hmmmm, that looks like a very good use of campaign resources. Wonder why the camera is so close to the stage!

Shall we check in with the campaign for some hilariously bitchy and unprofessional copy? Tell us, BuzzFeed!

"If overspending on TV ads determined the outcome of elections, Hillary Clinton would be president — but it's cute that Joe Biden and his campaign think buying ads in these states makes up for years of Democrats viewing them as flyover country," Samantha Zager, the Trump campaign's deputy national press secretary, said in a statement to BuzzFeed News. "Biden can try to buy votes, but President Trump and his campaign will continue earning them on the ground and on the airwaves — and come November, we'll be celebrating victory while Biden binge watches his TV ads from his basement."

Wow. Well, cut her a break, she's probably just stressed out and tired from all the winning. Did you hear that the Trump campaign is making a big play for New York? Also California?

Now, of course, we run through the tape and act like we're 15 points down. But also, LOOK AT THE DUMBASSSES, OMG!

Now it's happy nice time OPEN THREAD!

[BuzzFeed]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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