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Factcheck this happened in Memphis.


Perhaps you remember the biggest American story of the year 2017, which was called #ButtholeGate. Perhaps you recall a Memphis restaurant called Imagine Vegan Cafe, and the way its owners reacted when a customer left an online review that merely pointed out that it's slightly uncouth for a mom-and-pop vegan restaurant to allow the owners' toddler children to gallivant around the place au naturel, exposing their buttholes. Also, yodeling.

https://wonkette.com/619890/vegan-restaurant-owners-triggered-just-because-diner-didnt-want-to-see-their-kids-butthole

Most business owners would say, "We are extremely sorry about the yodels and the B-holes, please accept this gift certificate as a token of apology." Some customers (not this customer) might say, "Who among us doesn't occasionally have a Butthole McYodeltown type day" and let it go.

But nooooooooooooooooo. The owners lost their everloving shit and started attacking any and all humans who deigned to visit them on social media, and it went viral, and nary a toddler butthole did yodel ever again at Imagine (at least that we know of).

Wonkette can now exclusively report that whatever Teachable Moment might have come out of that situation has officially expired, and it is all for the sake of homemade vegan ranch dressing, which COSTS EXTRA, GODDAMMIT, DO YOU WANT HOMEMADE VEGAN RANCH DRESSING? THEN PLEASE OPEN YOUR WALLET AND PONY UP!

Someone left a comment on their receipt about the upcharge policy, which apparently is posted on the menu but not so prominently that this person saw it. So Imagine Vegan decided it was time to shame the customer across all social media (screengrabs because they deleted it all last time, and will probably do so again):

Oh my god, why is this worthy of social media? Why is this worthy of ANYTHING? Does somebody need to chill out a tiny bit?

But no, because here we are. Homemade vegan ranch dressing is VERY EXPENSIVE and NOT A CONDIMENT, OK? And how dare the customer WRITE A NOTE?

To be clear, Imagination Vegan Emporium For Free Buttholes But Ranch Is Extra has every right to charge for ranch dressing if they want. We are not here to gripe about that. We are here to laugh and laugh because HOLY SHIT THE OWNERS ARE DOING IT AGAIN.

Like when somebody said, "Really? You are putting one of your customers on blast over a really minor situation, especially after you made the national news for #ButtholeGate?" Yes, really, they are:

And then somebody else said, "NO SERIOUSLY, REALLY? WHY IS THIS WORTHY OF FACEBOOK CONTROVERSY?" to which Imagine replied like "IF WE CAN'T CRY OVER SPILLED RANCH DRESSING ON FACEBOOK, WHEREVER WILL WE CRY ABOUT IT?"

FREEDOM! This is about FREEDOM! (To put your 50 cent vegan ranch problems on InstaFace and YELL ABOUT THEM FOR 24 HOURS.)

And to be clear, Imagine Vegan Cafe knows about speaking out for what really matters in life, because this is not their first vegan rodeo!

The owners note that this is just like that time they spoke out in support of Black Lives Matter, because Black Lives Matter (an actual good thing!) is the exact same as speaking out against the one-two punch of oppression known as #ButtholeGate and #VeganRanchDressingMatters:

As we noted last time, this restaurant is in our neighborhood. We do not remember them taking flak for supporting Black Lives Matter, which we support wholeheartedly. Indeed, there are Black Lives Matter yard signs ALL OVER THE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD. But hey, if they did get shit for that, that's fucked up.

It's also NOT THE FUCKING SAME AS HAVING A MINOR ALTERCATION WITH A CUSTOMER OVER 50 CENTS WORTH OF VEGAN RANCH DRESSING.

This concludes another edition of "Don't pull this shit on social media when you know full well, after the whole Yodeling Butthole situation, that Wonkette is watching."

And LOLing.

OK, Wonkette gotta get back to writing about politics now, please tip your bartenders by clicking the donation buttons below. And if you want extra ranch dressing on top of your Wonkette, we are sorry, that is not on the menu, but anyway, PAY UP, ASSHOLES.

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[Imagination Vegan Emporium For Free Buttholes But Expensive Ranch Dressing]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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