Imagine Needing To Rewrite History To Feel Good About Yourself!


One of the tougher things, I guess, about being a conservative, is living with the knowledge that "your people" have always been on the wrong side of history. That and the fact that pretty much all of the cool celebrities throughout history have tended to be on the liberal side. Except, of course, for Pat Boone, who -- of course -- is just the heppest cat we ever did see.

Now, they could always try to be on the right side of history now, in hopes of future generations not thinking they are garbage, but that is out of the question. They could always learn how to play musical instruments themselves. Alas, that would involve some sort of effort.

Rather than doing either of these things, several conservatives this week have instead chosen to go around making up a bunch of bullshit, which is a far more convenient means of addressing these issues than just.. not sucking at life.

Adorably, one MAGA lady this week posted an oft-debunked "quote" from Kurt Cobain, in which he both predicted -- and endorsed -- a Trump presidency.

The quote first appeared on a pro-Trump Facebook page in 2016, and no source other than that has ever been found for it. Additionally, it would be a pretty out-of-character thing for Cobain to say. And yet, she repeatedly doubled down.

That's really cute, but I am, actually, not at all invested in pretending like people agree with me politically when they do not. Like, I'm not going around trying to pretend that Johnny Ramone or Ben Weasel are/were SECRET LIBERALS. I don't care. That being said, no, Kurt Cobain never said that. Also lots of people thought Trump was an ass in the 1990s. Having actually lived through the 1990s, I can confirm this.

This week also marked the Donald Trump, Jr. hosted premiere of Dinesh D'Souza's "Actually, The Nazis And All The Racists Throughout History Were LIBERALS" movie, or whatever it's called.

There's this idea here that, somehow, if they can just rewrite history to make it seem like they were on the right side of it all along, if they can make it so it looks like all the cool dead people would have totally agreed with them, that this will somehow validate the shitty things they believe now, and make it seem like those things are good. After all "He who controls the past controls the future."

But even if any of that were true, which it's not -- that's still just not how anything works. Even if Kurt Cobain had actually endorsed a Donald Trump presidency, which he did not, that would not mean that Donald Trump is actually good. The fact that Southern Democrats in the 1800s and early 1900s were racist doesn't mean that Republicans are not racist now.

The Right has a history of doing this. From insisting that the Confederate war wasn't actually about slavery, to claiming that Martin Luther King, Jr. was a actually a conservative Republican (and absolutely beloved by the conservatives at the time) who definitely would have hated affirmative action. It's partly a power trip -- the desire to spit in people's faces and tell them it's raining -- and partly a desperate need for validation.

There's a part of me that feels badly for them for a moment -- the part that cannot imagine what it would even be like to be that insecure. It must be horrible, really. But this shit truly is insidious, and the fact that so much of this false history is perpetuated by a lot of people who absolutely do know it's not true and are just manipulating a bunch of MAGA idiots desperate to believe that they're not actually the bad guys is extra insidious.

If you need to make up history and put words in the mouths of dead people in order to make yourself feel better about what you believe now, the shit you believe now is probably bad, and you might want to reconsider it.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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