Here's a tip: no one here at Wonkette liked Don Imus even before he said that thing that wasn't really any worse than countless other things he's said before but that got picked up and made into a scandal because, well, we were overdue for a hysterical discussion of racism or something.
We never thought he was funny (maybe he was, back in 1950 or something -- who knows? who cares?), we hate his stupid hat (we hear the summers in Westport are lovely, cowboy), we just generally don't get him. None of this has stopped intrepid constant emailer "Sven K," who's been flooding our inbox with increasingly bizarre missives (six so far today!) defending Imus all week. Join us in a tour of his fevered, persecuted mind, after the jump.
The first one arrived Monday night. It set the tone quite effectively, if not succinctly: occasional forays into OUTRAGED CAPS-LOCK, inscrutable arguments, baseless declarations of Imus' essential goodness, and strident calls for public persons not involved in any capacity to step up and defend Imus.
"Thinking back on when I was a little nappy headed boy..."
"Nappy headed ho"?
That's IT!?!? Are you kidding me?
I guess we should outlaw ALL "hip-hop" and rap music then, because I hear the "ho" on MTV all the time.
This is CLEARLY a "set-up" and the illogical application of a DOUBLE-STANDARD.
By the way, where's Harold Ford? Are you a coward, man? Harold: get your ass up there and defend Imus.
Imus is the least racist "white person" in the whole media establishment--and everybody knows it. To accuse him of being "racist" is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard.
There's another couple hundred words, including a bold denunciation of "the Afro-stocracy," but there's more madness ahead, so we must move on.
The next half-dozen emails were edited and slightly re-written versions of the first one. By Tuesday, though, it was the Jews' fault!
I thought I warned you about Sid Rosenberg? I told you 2 weeks ago to keep him off the show. [Go back and check!]
Haven't you learned by now that Sven K is never wrong?
He's nothing but a jinx.
Besides, Rosenberg and his crew have been waiting a long time to get the I-man.
The Ferengis who run the pharmaceutical industry have been trying to get Imus kicked-off the air ever since that Wall Street Journal crap.
Sid set his ass up.
Don't ever trust him again. Keep Sid off the show. Forever!
A half-hour later, he sent us a bell hooks poem. 8 a.m.? Time to ask where Harold Ford is again! Wednesday morning? "It's also about stirring women up for Hillary's Presidential run," of course! That evening, we accidentally intercepted Sven's email to Barry Hussein Obama:
Dear Obama: You will NEVER be President.
Dear Mr. Obama:
You are a disgraceful piece of sh*t. For you to pile on
to Don Imus with this racial blackmail campaign--when
he is a BETTER man than you will EVER be--is the most
disgraceful thing I've ever seen. You and I both know
that you are a PHONY, that you are a PLANT placed by
the Clinton machine to make her look more centrist,
and that your loyality lies not with the American people
and U.S. Constitution. You already know that you're not
going to win this election, but you continue to lead
people like the Pied Piper down a primrose path of lies
and deceit just to sell books, make higher speaking
fees, and aggrandize yourself. You are crass and cynical
in doing these things and it's time that people
understand what a liar you are. You are nothing new;
you are part of the problem.
Don Imus has done more for children and our soldiers
than you have ever done--or will ever do. I will work
TIRELESSLY to expose you as the worthless phony that
you are and to make sure that Hillary Clinton
becomes President and not only defeats you, but
sees that you never hold public office again. You're just
playing the system by playing the race card and the
American people are sick of that.
The firing of Don Imus will not bring America together,
it will only serve to drive the races further apart just like
the O.J. trial did. He could have done a great deal of
good with his show--much more than phonies like you
ever will. His fans and I will never forget this. If you
think you can BULLY people into accepting "diversity,"
you've got another thing coming. People who do not
accept sincere apologies are UNCIVILIZED--so obviously
you know nothing about "tolerance" or "civility."
Do not be surprised if race relations get worse rather
than better due to this action, because it shows that
the black afro-stocracy are never satisfied and will stop
at nothing to pursue their agenda. You have only
helped to kill the "dialogue" Mr. Imus could have
fostered and not brought people together, but further
divided them. You should have stayed at that Muslim
"madrassa" in the Phillipines, because America is
worse off having people like you around.
Twelve minutes later, we were all boycotting GE. Twenty minutes later, we're wishing we'd heeded the warnings of America's only true prophet:
It's the "Return to the Primitive" that Ayn Rand warned us about so long ago.
"Good-bye Don Imus... and, good-bye America!"
Within minutes we learned that AL SHARPTON runs MSNBC.
8:05 p.m. brought us this gem, addressed to "the I-man" himself:
9/11 WAS an inside job (look into that), and the people behind it are not done with us yet.
Yeah, Don, when you're done with this hiatus, could you look into the 9/11 thing? We're a little curious, thnx.
Late last night, Sven reached his High Nixon phase.
"THE LIST": the back-stabbing SCUM who have betrayed Don Imus in his
time of need:
Doris Kearns Goodwin
that "Kaplan guy"
The victims of hurricane Katrina
... and more to come.
I will compile a final list over the weekend as I watch all the
And though this morning brought a couple more insane attacks on "the diversity police" and MSNBC and the Jews and "pimp culture," Sven will have to work pretty damn hard to beat this analogy, from 12:07 a.m. today:
Like Peter denying JESUS, no one defended all the wonderful causes and charitable work that Mr. Imus has done!
That's right. Don Imus is Jesus. Thanks, Sven K, for teaching us to laugh again.