Not a real pic. OR IS IT?

MADE YOU LOOK. Barack Obama still hasn't accepted our prayer request to do a nakey-time sexy shoot, preferably alongside his new pal Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. But we'll try to give you some O goodness in this post, right after we tell you about today's DEMOCRAZY.

Basically, it is three states that are like WAY OVER THERE on the western part of our nation (Alaska, Hawaii and Washington), and they are all doing caucuses (which are stupid and undemocratic). Oh, and these are all only for Democrats, which means you Republicans can stay home all day and try SO HARD to actually pull yourselves up by your bootstraps. It doesn't work. Once you've given up on that, you have the whole rest of the day to massage your joysticks to brain fantasies of a naked Sean Hannity stickin' it to the liberals.

ANYWAY, THE DEMOCRATS. Here's what your schedules are, all youse in the states doing the #Democracy:

  • Hawaii Dems, slap some coconut shells on your hoot-hoots and get to your caucusing location at 1 PM.
  • Alaska Dems, you're going to want to warm up the Ridin' Moose you keep in the garage pretty early in the morning, because you have to be there at 10 AM. If you see Bristol Palin doing the Walk Of Shame along the side of the highway, don't worry, she's got this.
  • Washington Dems, first of all, GOOD NEWS. Your caucus actually counts, unlike the Republican caucus in your state. It starts at 10 AM, so we hope you took your patchouli bath already last night.

OK yeah, so now that THAT boring stuff is out of the way, let's look at nudie pics of President Obama on the beach in Hawaii. (SEE? THE HAWAII CAUCUS IS HAPPENING TODAY, THIS IS FUCKING TOPICAL, YOU ASSHOLES):

And also:

We regret to inform you that President Barry, among his many failures, does not have any newer nakey pictures to share, because he is obv lazy and does not know the part of the Constitution that says "If you got it, flaunt it."


Guess we can do a Martin O'Malley pic or something, his name is probably still taking up space on a ballot somewhere:

Hmmmm, what else is naked and on topic?

OH WE KNOW. OK, so you know how, #GeographyFact, if you look at Alaska and Washington on a map, they kind of look like they're chomp-scissoring Canada? Yeah, well chomp-scissor THIS:

And now that we have found a way to insert Justin Trudeau (What She Said, That's) into this post, you may consider this thread open, like your mother is for business, ZING.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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