In Which The Men Going Their Own Way Do A Bunch Of Penis Math
It's been a while since we have visited the Men Going Their Own Way. Primarily because the Incels have been SO HILARIOUS and terrifying -- but they turned their subreddit private, and we must soldier on until they open it up again.
Admittedly, I am a little bummed, because how else am I going to know about all the men I am giving tinnitus to?
Luckily the Men Going Their Own Way are here to pick up the slack. One of the top posts over there this week is this beautiful story about a guy who "did the math" on how many miles of penis his girlfriend had sexed.
The title of this post is "He actually did the math... Sad thing is, almost every girl will be the same!"
Although the idea of some idiot dude doing a bunch of penis math and then driving TEN POINT 45 WHOLE MILES while steaming about all the miles of dick his girlfriend has had inside of her, it turns out that this Buster Jenkins fella is maybe fudging the truth on this one. As someone in the comments section points out, this is copypasta from 4chan, and he did not, in fact, do all this penis math himself.
ALAS! Turns out Buster Jenkins' girlfriend probably did not fuck 200+ guys in college, and that, at the very least, he did not do this penis math himself. According to his Facebook profile, which I looked up because I am thorough like that, he is the CEO of Memekings, which I am pretty sure is not an actual company of any kind.
This, of course, did not stop the MGTOWs from their dick measuring contest.
And that is at the very least a half gallon of jizz. Next time you're at the store take a good long look at that half gallon of creamy white milk and ask yourself if that's the kind of woman that deserves your commitment.
Yes, do that. Because really, in that instance, you will be doing the woman a favor in the long run. No one needs to be dating anyone who is hanging out in the dairy aisle shaking his little fist at half-gallons of milk and the semen they represent.
Zigis2 writes "I don't even fuck these sluts anymore. I'm not kidding. I prefer to give my money to a honest female: a prostitute or an escort."
If you are wondering why it is OK for these dudes to have sex with all the escorts but NOT OK for someone's imaginary girlfriend to have had ten miles of dick... well, they have an explanation for that.
Penises are keys and vaginas are locks so IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
Also women are stupid and only into sex and not doing intellectual pursuits like posting on reddit about how women are stupid, says Toolman890.
Women are like animals. It's not like they have anything else to do. Men have sex, but then they also have mental stimulation due to their intellect. Women just have sex. It's all they do. Everything for them is socialising which is just an avenue to sex. Work = socialising. Outside of work = playing on phone = socialising. Weekends = socialising. IT'S ALL THEY DO.
You can even see the difference in little children before sex is even a thing. Young boys will spend all their time playing games, running weird experiments, going exploring. Young girls spend most of their time 'prepping' themselves for the upcoming sex marathon. They just groom themselves and fantasise about their future relationships.
Now, one fella, Raisins3142, did actually point out that a woman who was in a committed relationship might have taken even more miles of dick, so he is not as worried about the mileage as much as the different penises. He proposed a different kind of penis math, one involving Greyhound buses.
It isn't the length of dick in her, for me.
It's the amount of different dick.
It wouldn't be so bad if a girl dated 1 guy for 10 years and fucked him everyday. She's also have had miles of dick.
I'd take 5.5" X 200/12 = 91.67' of new dick. Where the maximum length of a semi-truck is around 50' in most states.
Or 200/55 people in a greyhound bus = 3.64 buses of dudes.
That's fucking gross.
Paladin2903 quibbled with the dick size estimate (TOO BIG).
Average dick size is 5.1 inches, but I appreciate how this kid can break the mathematics down. Should apply to NASA.
Yes, because we all need to know how many penises it is TOO THE MOON.
Send money, not penises. Click below! Thank you muchly!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse