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Turns out that "spa" owner hanging out with Trump at his Mar-a-Lago Super Bowl party got more than a selfie from the president. According to Mother Jones, Li "Cindy" Yang, founder of the "massage parlor" in south Florida where Patriots owner Robert Kraft was busted for solicitation last month, has been running a tidy business selling Chinese nationals access to the president at Mar-a-Lago.

Yang, who goes by Cindy, and her husband, Zubin Gong, started GY US Investments LLC in 2017. The company describes itself on its website, which is mostly in Chinese, as an "international business consulting firm that provides public relations services to assist businesses in America to establish and expand their brand image in the modern Chinese marketplace." But the firm notes that its services also address clients looking to make high-level connections in the United States. On a page displaying a photo of Mar-a-Lago, Yang's company says its "activities for clients" have included providing them "the opportunity to interact with the president, the [American] Minister of Commerce and other political figures." The company boasts it has "arranged taking photos with the President" and suggests it can set up a "White House and Capitol Hill Dinner."

THIS IS WHY CAMP DAVID EXISTS, GODDAMMIT.

Yang and her family had sold most of their "day spas" before Kraft was filmed getting a handjob from a likely trafficked woman, his second visit to Orchids of Asia in twenty-four hours. The Miami Herald notes, however, that the strip mall outlets had already "gained a reputation for offering sexual services" before Yang sold her stake in them. But don't worry, you guys, because Mrs. Yang has figured out other ways to make money.


That photo was captured by the Miami Herald before Yang deleted her Insta. Seats and a photo at the March 3, 2018, Trump-Pence campaign fundraiser went for $50,000 per couple.

Credit: Peter Schorsch Twitter

You gotta spend money to make money, though. And Mrs. Yang used that photo to flog her services connecting Chinese business people with Trump and his family. Here's an ad captured by MoJo, before the GY US Investments website disappeared, advertising access to the "International Leaders Elite Forum" on March 30 with Donald Trump's sister Elizabeth Trump Grau.

Duchess Trump-Grau is a popular attraction for the influence peddlers looking to make a connection with America's royal family. Here she is with Yang's client Huachu Tang, a Chinese auto executive who flew 17 hours to join the Mar-a-Lago New Year's Eve festivities.

Unfortunately, Donald Trump was not in attendance at that party, having shut down the government over his bullshit WALL promise, and holed himself up in the White House for a pity party.

Luckily both Trump brothers were in attendance, and looking dapper as ever.

Photos captured by Mother Jones

Photos captured by Mother Jones

LOL, how do they both manage to look so bad? Every man alive looks like James Bond in a tux -- well, almost every man.

But seriously, the fact that Chinese nationals are buying access to President Butt H. Emails, his family, and Cabinet members is a major national security issue.

So weird that the CIA and FBI refused to give top secret security clearance to Jared and Vanky, huh?

Mrs. Yang may have relied on the language barrier to shield her influence-peddling from nosy parkers in the US media. And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those meddlesome young women enslaved and forced to have sex with 1,500 men a year! But how many more side deals are going on where people are smart enough not to post their shit online.

A LOT, we're guessing.

But never fear, the gravy train has just pulled into the station. Hear that sound? It's the dinner bell summoning every corrupt bottom feeder in the country to belly up to the trough.

Come and git it, all you rapacious influence peddlers! DING DING DING!

[MoJo / Miami Herald]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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