So here is a thing that exists: An anti-vaxxer children's book called Melanie's Marvelous Measles, published in 2012 and getting renewed attention now for pretty obvious reasons. It's a happy little book about the joys of getting measles and staying healthy by never getting vaccinated! We felt a bit guilty about even spending three bucks for the Kindle version, but we knew that you, the Wonkette reader, deserved to get more than a third-hand look at this madness -- you deserve a second-hand look through Dok Zoom's suffering eyes. So we resolved to double our contribution to Doctors Without Borders as penance, and clicked "buy now."

Oh lord this thing is terrible.

It's the story of Tina, a crunchy-granola little girl who's never been vaccinated, who learns that her best pal Melanie is out of school with the measles. Tina's little brother "was very sick after he had his shots," so her mom and dad "played it safe and Tina didn’t have any shots at all and she has been a very healthy child." She's worried though, because the class bully, Jared, says that "you're going to die if you don't get vaccinated!" But reassuringly, another unvaccinated kid in the class -- it seems to be full of 'em! -- retorts,

“Well, I know that isn’t true because I haven’t had any vaccinations and I am still alive!”

Jared didn’t know what to say to that!

Tina runs home after school and her mother gives her an apple and a glass of water, for health, and reassures Tina when she worries that the measles will catch her (aww, kids think funny things!):

“For most children it is a good thing to get measles,” Tina’s mother reassured her.

“Many wise people believe measles make the body stronger and more mature for the future,” she concluded.

Mommy explains that people merely fear things they don't understand, and in the good old days, when a kid had chicken pox, all the parents would send their children to play at that kid's house: “They hoped their children would get the disease and then have natural, lifelong immunity,” Mommy says proudly. Naturally (HA! HA!) this gives Tina a great idea:

“Can we go and visit Melanie so I can catch her measles?” Tina asked.

“That sounds like a great idea,” laughed Tina’s mother. “Let’s take her some carrot juice and melon to help her get strong and recover from the measles.”

And so it's off to Melanie's house for an infect-a-thon! Melanie is really proud of the spots all over her tummy, and says they don't itch at all! And it turns out that Melanie had even been vaccinated, but it didn't do a bit of good, because the doctor said Melanie's was "the worst case of measles he’s seen in years” (although the book also asserts that apart from the spots and feeling "very hot for a day or two," children are  completely unharmed by the disease).

“So much for being vaccinated!" Melanie's mom exclaims. There's some argle-bargle about how the Vitamin A in melon and carrot juice is actually what keeps you from getting measles, also too.

Tina can't wait to go back to school with (she hopes) her brand new measles infection, so she can share. Also, did we mention that her teacher is very very pregnant? But don't worry, this is just good measles, not rubella, so everything's fine.

As it turns out, Tina doesn't get measles, which in the real world has a 90 percent transmission rate. But in the book, Tina remains healthy, "because her immune system was in good condition because she eats lots of fresh, raw food, and also because she plays in the sunshine daily and drinks plenty of water." Jared, the vaccinated bully, gets measles, which is no surprise because vaccines are a fraud, and because Jared just eats so much junk food. Tina reflects on his predicament:

“I hope the measles make his body stronger and more mature and that he learns to eat more fresh foods so he can take better care of his body,” Tina thought to herself.

And who knows, she exclaims to her mom, “Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to catch measles next time someone we know has them!”

The End.

Oh, the book also warns that it's "not intended as a substitute for professional health advice," so be sure and see a "qualified health provider" -- you know, someone who you can pay to tell you to let your kid get measles for their own good.

This book actually has a disclaimer on Amazon's sales page warning that the book's description is written by the publisher and "may not be substantiated." Way to immunize yourself from lawsuits, Amazon!

And a note on the author: Stephanie Messenger is an Australian anti-vaxxer who claims that vaccines killed her one-year-old son 30 years ago (doctors reportedly attributed the boy's death to a rare genetic disorder, Alexander Disease; it is not caused by vaccines). The book has been widely condemned for suggesting that disease is fun and wonderful; Australian Medical Association president Steve Hambleton said the publishers "should be ashamed of themselves."

And frankly, we feel bad about sending any money their way, too, even with our guilt-donation to real doctors. But if mocking this thing into oblivion helps, maybe it was worth it.

Enjoy your carrot juice and melon! Now, if we could just rid ourselves of the itchy feeling this book gave us...

[AddictingInfo via Crooks & Liars]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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