We were planning on posting something about the huge, gigantic, earth-shattering gubernatorial sex scandal that's about to break at any fucking moment, but we're at a loss as to which one to go with. There's the one about how the governor's "wife found him in bed with another man," as well as a more specific allegation: "he's having an affair...with the secretary of state...who is a man," and, combining the two, he was "purportedly caught by his wife in bed with the Sec. of State. Who, by the way, is male." (It's true! Secretary of State in question is a man.) But just when we thought we were getting a handle on the story, we hear that "rumors floating [around] have even suggested the man he was found with was the Attorney General." Well! Ashcroft was a "singing senator," you know. . . it makes perfect sense, unless, as we also hear, the governor got "caught having sex with the 20-year old son of a state legislator." But is the governor even really gay? Yet another tipster tell us that his wife "is leaving the governor. . . because she caught him in bed with his secretary." It's sort of sexist to assume a secretary is a woman, but still. . . Certainly, this doesn't settle things: he's "getting a divorce. . . maybe because he's in reality queer as a French horn." We thought French horns were totally butch!

Which rumor could be true? Maybe all of them are. Maybe the governor is just very, very busy. Well, no worries, because the scandal is, according to our correspondents, going to break "today," "next week," "soon" or perhaps "tomorrow." What's more, the "NYT," "NPR," Austin's "Statesman" and, generally, "the mainstream media"are going to run something on it, but haven't yet because they are "waiting for confirmation" and/or "find it too controversial."

We're just waiting to hear that governor was treated for having a gerbil stuffed in his ass. Then we'll know it's true.

Gerbil [Friendster.com]

From Gere to Eternity [Snopes.com]

UPDATE:

Friendster, for some reason, suspended the Gerbil's account. Here are the highlights:

Name: Gerbil

Interest: Gayness, being gay, Buddhist film stars, being shoved into the rear-end of governors.

About me: Just another hot piece of ass!

Interested in meeting: State officials.