Trump Intel Chiefs Hearing Rescheduled To Keep From Hurting Grandpa LoudBad's Delicate Feelings

The annual Worldwide Threats Hearings, where Trump's intel chiefs sit before Congress and tell them about the worldwide threats, do not go well for Donald Trump. They say things like "Russia is bad" and "Russia did it" and "Russia is doing it again" and "Actually Iran was complying with the nuclear deal" and "Dictators are bad" and "Dictators are bad even if they say your shit hair is pretty" and "Dictators don't actually love you" and "Trump's Make America Alone Again policies weaken America," and whatever other true things hurt Donald Trump's feelings and make him feel just a little bit more like he's never going to be the shit-haired dictator he always dreamed he'd be.

Last year after the Worldwide Threats Hearing in the Senate Intelligence Committee, which comes after the annual Worldwide Threats Assessment produced by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI), Trump had this tantrum, saying his intel chiefs should "go back to school," which is a thing Trump went to and was definitely good at, not that we've seen his grades:

To be clear, he was talking about then-DNI Dan Coats, FBI Director Chris Wray and CIA Director Gina Haspel, three people who definitely are way dumber than Donald Trump, for sure you betcha. Afterward, he brought them all into the Oval Office and lied and said all his intel chiefs had merely been misquoted by the fake news, even though we all saw what they said on C-SPAN.

Trump doesn't like so-called "intel" chiefs. He prefers to get his briefings from Vladimir Putin, and sometimes Sean Hannity.

Now it is time for the annual hearings again, but Politico reports that they're rescheduling the House hearing for "time," and that Trump's intel chiefs originally were hoping to change the venue to "in a dark room all by ourselves," so they don't have to tell the truth on national TV and hurt Donald Trump's feelings and make him so mad, because who wants to go through all that again?

U.S. intelligence community leaders will not testify publicly or privately before House lawmakers [this] week about global threats, as negotiations on the timing and format of the annual hearing continue, according to people on both sides of the talks.

The Worldwide Threats hearing that takes place in the House and Senate has become an awkward source of tension after POLITICO first reported that intelligence officials pushed for the hearing that features both public and classified sessions to be moved entirely behind closed-doors over fears their bosses might provoke President Donald Trump's ire.

Reportedly, according to Politico's sources, the intel chiefs would still really really like to do the hearing down in the basement on top of Matt Gaetz's pizza crusts where the TV cameras can't follow them, because BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK. (Politico did not say "bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk." Wonkette did.)

That is astounding, but at the same time it is not astounding, because one of the hallmarks of the Trump era is just how few of his political appointees actually have the stones to go up against the batshit crazy man who gave them their jobs. Better to keep the truth in a dark stanky room in the Capitol than to risk saying things that make President Thin-Skin's feelings get hurted all over the place and make him look like even more of an idiot than he already does.

Of course, this year's hearings come at an interesting time for President Impeached Forever. For one thing, he is impeached forever, and was "acquitted" in a Moscow Mitch show trial, and we guess he'll remain "acquitted" until he's out of office and the law catches up to him. For another, as Wonkette has noted in recent days, House Intel Committee chair Adam Schiff recently told Rachel Maddow that he's concerned the NSA and the CIA are both playing hide the sausage (not in the sex way) with Ukraine evidence Congress has been demanding, because of how the White House has its foot on the intel community's neck right now.

So that's awesome.

We don't have some grand conclusion to end this post, it's just one more reason all y'all fuckers need to get out and vote for literally whomever the Democrats nominate and get the orange asshole out of office. This situation is not tenable.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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