International Olympic Committee: Caitlyn Jenner Can Keep Gold Medal, Trolls Can Suck It

• Some jerks on the internet (yeah, that's still a thing) decided the best way to show their "support" for Caitlyn Jenner is by calling her a big ol' cheater, for claiming to be a man named Bruce in 1976, and unfairly winning an Olympic gold medal. These losers are petitioning the International Olympic Committee to go back in time and make that not have happened, or something like that:

  It has recently come to light that gold medalist Bruce Jenner is in fact transgender, and therefore, identifies as a woman. We congratulate Ms. Jenner on these new developments and wish her the best. However, this creates somewhat of a problem as Ms. Jenner (as talented as she is) claims that she has always believed herself to be truly female, and therefore, was in violation of committee rules regarding women competing in men's sports and vice versa. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that we must ask whether or not it is proper that Ms. Jenner should retain her olympic records in light of this, as we must now either claim that Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner are two entirely different people (which we know is not true), or that Bruce Jenner was, in fact, a woman participating in a men's event.

  While thatissome Olympic-level trolling, the jerks who think it's REALLY IMPORTANT to pretend Bruce Jenner didn't win that medal have failed and will not be getting any Great Job At Trolling medals, at least not from the IOC:

  In its response to the petition, IOC Communications Director Mark Adams tells Yahoo, "Bruce Jenner won his gold medal in the 1976 Olympic Games and there is no issue for the IOC."

  And also, there's this:

  In 2012, the IOC announced it would allow transgender athletes to compete against their chosen peers, assuming they meet three criteria: the athlete must have had gender reassignment surgery, the athlete must have legal recognition of his or her assigned gender in his or her home country, and the athlete must have completed at least two years of hormone therapy.

  So that's the end of that. The IOC does not have any problem understanding that Bruce Jenner won a gold medal in 1976, and Caitlyn Jenner is super into lip gloss now. Anyone who is "confused" or "concerned" or wants to rewrite history can choke on a bag of genitalia.

• You know who else supports Caitlyn Jenner? Why, it's the South Carolina senator who has promised to be a great president for rich white men, Lindsey Graham! Seriously:  

  Asked about Jenner, the former Olympian who is now a transgender woman, who also said she is a Republican, Graham said he is "into addition."

  "I haven't walked in her shoes. I don't have all the answers to the mysteries of life," he said. "I can only imagine the torment that Bruce Jenner went through. I hope he's -- I hope she has found peace."

  "I'm a pro-life, traditional marriage kind of guy, but I'm running to be president of the United States. If Caitlyn Jenner wants to be a Republican, she is welcome in my party," Graham said.

• Our friends at Happy Nice Time People enlighten us about a new TV show that sounds, um, interesting:

  Back in ancient times before the words “reality” and “television” were ever put together, there was a game show called Queen for a Day. The “contestants” were all ladies with problems. Not television problems like “Uh-oh, Darren just told me his boss is coming for dinner and Aunt Harriet turned the house into a medieval castle,” but REAL problems like not being able to pay for a life-saving operation—for your child. The ladies competed to see whose story was the most pathetic. The audience would vote for the “winner.” [...]

  The latest version is called The Briefcase . It has the old-timey grovel factor, but for added fun/cruelty it’s also a morality play like Job or the one where two old super-rich brothers wager on the character of the less fortunate.

  How does it work? Two families, each is given a briefcase. Does it contain Marcellus Wallace’s soul? Nope. It’s holding $101,001 in cash money.

  Each family is on the verge of financial catastrophe, yet they are “deserving” because they’re still desperately clinging to the moniker “middle class”—because America hates the poor, who by definition are never deserving. Both families thought they’d be participating in a documentary about how the middle-class is slip sliding away probably because of Obamacare, but they’re naturally surprised and delighted to be reality show-bound instead! $101,001! Why, that could pay off their combined student debt, maybe!

  There’s just one itsy-bitsy catch. They are told they can keep the money, or share it with another needy family, or give it all to the other family, who is just as deserving and in the same or worse financial shape. But first they have to spend $1,000 because that little glimpse of sunshine after a long cold lonely winter will fill their heads with dreams of a vacation in a tropical paradise, or at least buying actual oranges to cure the children’s scurvy.

  There's even more. A lot more. Click to go read all about it.

• Even if you're not a Trekkie (or is it Trekker?), this is pretty flippin' cool:  

  I am pleased to learn that actor Leonard Nimoy has been given a singular honor: The asteroid 4864 Nimoy has been named after him.

  The asteroid is very roughly 10 km across and is in the main belt between Mars and Jupiter. It orbits the Sun once every 3.9 years.

• Goonies never say die, they just get old:  

  This should make you feel old: It's been 30 years since the premiere of comedic action-adventure film "The Goonies," directed by Richard Donner.