We here at Wonkette would like to announce that in the interest of affirmative action balance, we have decided to hire a conservative contributor. The new member of the team, who will be blogging under the name Sergeant Wonkette, is a long-time commenter at Little Green Footballs, occasional leaflet photocopier, and former senior editor of The New Republic. His first contribution begins below:

Look, we won. That's it. Go home, everyone else, because the game is over. Republicans OWN you, bitch. We run Congress, the courts, the White House, most of the state capitols, and the Washington Times. We got The West Wing canceled. We made Mark Warner look creepy as hell. Despite all this, you MSM types (that's "main-stream media" for you MSM types) still don't get us. Look, it's simple: we like God,guns, kids, cars, and our country. We don't like commies and terrorists. And we're in the majority.

During the discussions about the launch of this new feature, the good folks at Wonkette spent far too much time in sessions with markers and whiteboard, trying to settle on a name for the column. The suggestions were all over the map - but one suggestion provided a reminder of the sociopolitical divide in this country. "What about 'The Crackdown'?" said managing editor/metrosexual pantywaist Lockhart Steele.

"Well, only if you want to make people think it was a gun blog," I said, to puzzled faces.

"The Crackdown? You must know it - that's the subtitle of Death Wish 4, starring Conservative Icon Charles Bronson! It's a Reagan-era masterpiece! Wow, what a trenchant and totally non-made-up example of the out-of-touchitude of the coastal elites who run the media! Good thing I am here for balance.

'Wash Post' Launches Conservative Blog, Provokes a 'Firestorm' [E&P]

Red America [WP]