Iran Attacks Los Angeles ... Oh, It's Just Opening Day At Dodger Stadium
If you're one of the millions of people in Los Angeles who just got buzzed by roaring fighter jets, relax.
If you're quaking in fear because black-clad ninja soldiers are being lowered by menacing helicopters just beyond downtown's skyscrapers, calm down.
The West Coast has not been invaded by Iran, China, Saddam Hussein, space aliens or Japan. It's just opening day at Dodger Stadium. You know, because every goddamned sporting event in the country has to be a show of military force (see National Security/MLB memo dated 09/12/2001). This concludes this message from the West Coast Bureau. If this had been a real emergency, we'd already be blown up.
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