Is Donald Trump Crossing His Fingers For His Very Own 9/11? Maaaybe!

more or less

Just after the election, there were many smart pieces from many smart people about how yes, it CAN happen here, and here is how to survive life under an autocratic regime, and hold on tight, because American history is about to enter a very dark period. Those articles are every bit as valid today as they were then, despite how Donald Trump is slightly less popular among American voters than having a poisonous cricket infestation in your ass. He shows no regard for democracy or for the truth, he vilifies the press, he's never met a dictator who hasn't given him a tiny erection, and he's a white supremacist hellbent on remaking America in his own, genetically inferior image.

But there is hope on the horizon! It is ELECTION SEASON again, and all the evidence, including state special election results from Wisconsin LAST NIGHT, suggests we're heading for not just a blue wave but a YOOGE BLUE TSUNAMI BLOODBATH ROBOT ATTACK in the November 6 midterm elections.

But it sounds like maybe Trump is hoping for something that might change that dynamic. In a Washington Post piece this weekend, there was a paragraph everybody seems to be noticing today, and it is scary as shit:

in private conversations, Trump has told advisers that he doesn’t think the 2018 election has to be as bad as others are predicting. He has referenced the 2002 midterms, when George W. Bush and Republicans fared better after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, these people said.

UMMMMMMMM wait what?????? Is he saying what we think he's ...

Before we try to analyze that horrifying graf, let's have history time!

In March of 1933, the Reichstag in Germany burned. Adolf Hitler had just taken power as chancellor a couple of months before, but his Nazi party didn't control shit. In the wake of the fire, one guy, Marinus van der Lubbe, claimed sole responsibility, but Hitler chose instead to blame a wave of MexicansBlack Lives Matter activists communists, who were TAKING OVER, OMG PANIC, GIVE ME ALL YOUR CIVIL LIBERTIES! Indeed, many historians believe the Nazis actually planned the attack in order to consolidate power. And that is exactly what happened. It's a bit more complicated than all that (oh just read your Wikipedia) but the Nazis ended up forming a majority and the Germans ended up losing everything we in America would call "The First Amendment" and also all the other amendments.


In 1999, four apartment blocks were bombed in Moscow, killing 293 and injuring many more. This time, they blamed the Chechens (and later the Radical Islamics), but it was most likely done by the Russian FSB (military intelligence) in order to help then-Prime Minister Vladimir Putin become President Vladimir Putin. (Hell, read this John McCain press release from 2003, as it explains it all.) Putin used the anti-Chechen rage to ride into the seat of power, and oh look where he still is right now!

AND THEN THE MURDERS BEGAN. Just kidding, KGB trash was murdering and assassinating both before and after Putin was president, and still is. They just don't call themselves "KGB" anymore.

As we see it, there are two possibilities here:

  • Trump hopes a nasty terrorist/nuclear attack happens on American soil before the midterms, because in his mind that will make America love him for the first time ever and preserve/strengthen his shit party's grip on control.
  • Or, considering how it's likely Trump is indeed a Russian intelligence asset, is it possible Trump is somehow aware an attack of some sort is coming? Look, we were never a 9/11 truther, because 9/11 truthers were/are fucking crazy and also dumb. But considering how Trump is our first distinctly un-American president, it's not outside the realm of possibility.

We are just curious. Putin is the president's fucking hero, after all. It's still unclear whether or not Trump likes Hitler, but he did keep that book of Hitler speeches by his bed for years.

Now, because Trump is so thoroughly hated by all patriotic Americans, it may well be that an attack on our soil would only serve to turn people more against the president. Indeed, if this weekend's missile alert in Hawaii hadn't been a DOY DOY DOY false alarm, we are not sure if the 59% of Americans who detest the president as an un-American threat to our way of life would suddenly rally around Dear Leader Trump. He may just be too much of a piece of shit for Americans to embrace him in a time of tragedy.

But maybe not.

We guess we wrote this down to remind everyone that yes, it can happen here, and very recent history provides a playbook for how. BONUS: Some of that history was written (allegedly LOL) by the man Trump admires more than anybody else.

Onward, patriots. Let's win some midterms, no matter what awful shit Trump has in store for America over the next 293 days.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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