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yes he is that stupid


Once upon a time in 1973, President Richard Nixon was very GRRRR at special prosecutor Archibald Cox, who was getting way too close to nailing him in the Watergate scandal. That was a very unfair thing for Cox to do! So on a Saturday night in October, Nixon told his attorney general, Eliot Richardson, to fire Cox. Richardson was like "EAT ME," and he resigned in protest. So Nixon told Deputy Attorney General William Ruckleshaus to fire Cox, and Ruckleshaus was like "You can also eat me," and he too resigned. So Nixon called the solicitor general, Robert Bork, and said "You will fire the mean man, yes?" And Bork said, "Oh sure, I'm a total whore, and also a bad man. I will do the thing!" Of course, everybody went apeshit and Nixon was forced to appoint a new special prosecutor, Leon Jaworski, just a couple weeks later, and the rest is history.

(See? Wonkette can do a historical context opening segment like Rachel Maddow does, TAKE THAT, RACHEL.)

Monday, sentient picnic basket full of dick cheese Newt Gingrich started advancing the idea that Robert Mueller, the special prosecutor in the Trump-Russia investigation, is a terrible witch-hunter who should be fired, because a few members of the (excellent) team Mueller is assembling have donated to Democrats in the past, much like Donald Trump has. Are Democrats even American? Pffffffffft, Newt is not certain. Also, Mueller and James Comey know each other, and even worse, respect each other, therefore Mueller, one of the world's most respected American public servants, couldn't POSSIBLY be capable of doing an independent investigation. (For real, this is one of his arguments.) Of course, less than one month ago, Newt tweeted that Robert Mueller is awesome and beyond reproach, which is a true statement.

But it's not just Newtie! Donald Trump's BFF Christopher Ruddy, publisher of Newsmax, went on PBS Monday night (reportedly just after leaving the White House) and told Judy Woodruff that Trump was just maybe thinking about firing Mueller:

I think he's considering, perhaps, terminating the special counsel. I think he's weighing that option. I think it's pretty clear by what one of his lawyers said on television recently.

Ah yes, Jay Sekulow, another member of Trump's DREAM TEAM of unqualified lawyers, was on TV on Sunday and wouldn't rule out the possibility of Trump telling Mueller, "YOU'RE FIRED!"

Ruddy continued by saying he thinks firing Mueller would be a "very significant mistake," and then listed the reasons why Robert Mueller sucks and shouldn't be the special prosecutor. He said Trump interviewed Mueller to be FBI director, and it was improper for Mueller to accept the special prosecutor position, since he had just had a private meeting with the president. What if Trump tried to obstruct justice by the pussy IN FRONT OF ROBERT MUELLER? That's a conflict of interest!

So it sounds like we have a "trial balloon" situation here. House Speaker Paul Ryan told a reporter Tuesday morning that the press is "creating a rumor that doesn't exist," which is funny since the rumor came from a Trump lawyer, a Trump BFF and a Trump scrotum-bather. Maybe those crazy asses were sent to float the idea, just to see how people would react. One might understand why Trump would want a trial balloon this time, since he has such poor judgment that he REALLY THOUGHT people would embrace his firing of James Comey.

The trial balloon isn't going well, by the way. While some Trump-loving morons like Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham think firing Mueller would be just great, Republicans who are still respected by voters capable of putting on pants without inadvertently stabbing themselves in the eye are not reacting so well. In his press conference Tuesday, Paul Ryan said Trump would be "vindicated by allowing this investigation to go on," and that the "best advice would be to let Robert Mueller do his job."

Here are some other Republicans, shitting on the idea, via Politico:

“It would be a disaster,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) “There's no reason to fire Mueller. What's he done to be fired?” [...]

Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) said the notion firing Mueller, would “certainly be an extraordinarily unwise move.” [...]

“I think there's a lot of confidence in Mueller around here,” added Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) “We've all dealt with him.” [...]

“He’s a very much trusted individual and had an outstanding record as head of the FBI,” [John] McCain said. [...]

“I think Bob Mueller’s as good as you’re going to find. I don’t see any reason to remove him now,” said Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.), who has largely defended Trump throughout the investigation into potential Russia ties.

What a buncha goddamn hippies. Bet they all wore pussy hats at the Women's March.

Of course, many of these Republicans seem to believe in their hearts that Trump is innocent, and that if an esteemed man like Mueller does an investigation, Trump will be shown to be the perfect angel his supporters believe him to be. Trump likely knows differently.

For his part, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein (the guy Trump would actually have to direct to fire Mueller, since Attorney General Jeff Sessions is "recused," because he's balls-deep in the Russia investigation) said in Senate testimony Tuesday morning that he is the only one who can actually fire Mueller, and that Trump would have to give him a good goddamn reason:

“I am confident that he has full independence,” Rosenstein said in answer to a question from Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-N.H.)

Asked what he would do if the president ordered him to fire Mueller, he said, “I’m not going to follow any orders unless I believe those are lawful and appropriate orders.” [...]

“If there were good cause,” I would consider it,” Rosenstein testified. “If there were not good cause, it wouldn’t matter to me what anybody says.”

So either Rosenstein would roll over like a golden retriever because Trump invented a "reason," or he might volunteer to be the next Eliot Richardson and resign, at which point Trump would have to start going down the chain of command to find somebody to do his bidding. Ooh, we bet Trump is wishin' he had staffed up all those political Justice Department positions right about now!

Jeff Sessions will obviously be asked about this in his latest perjury fest before the Senate this afternoon. (We're kidding! Jeff Sessions would never do perjuries!) Though he is nominally "recused" from the Russia investigation, he could always unrecuse himself and follow Daddy's orders, but then he might find himself in trouble for being a justice-obstructing idiot, just like his boss.

Join us at 2:30 PM ET for our Jeff Sessions liveblog, where we will find out what's rollin' around in that little racist brain of his right about now!

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[Politico / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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