Donate

How the hell did a pack of misfits like today's GOP manage to successfully ratfuck American Democracy? If you saw Bannon, Assange, Roger Stone or Randy Credico out in public, you'd cross the street and grip your keys like a weapon. And yet, there's a very real possibility that this pack of rancid gin farts teamed up with Vladimir Putin to pull off the greatest hack of all time.

Or maybe they're just a bunch of clueless morons who never even knew what hit them. Honestly, we have no idea which!

Today's adventures in wonderland, courtesy of the New York Times, take us back to October of 2016. In his Foreverwar with irrelevance, Roger Stone was flogging a story that Bill Clinton had fathered an illegitimate child with a prostitute. Bannon was busy with the campaign and ignored the old geezer. But Matthew Boyle, political editor at Trumpland's ministry of alt-right outreach, aka Breitbart, was low enough on the food chain to take Stone's calls.

Stone had been shit-tweeting that Wikileaks and "my hero Julian Assange" were coming, and soon Hillary Clinton would be "done." Which everyone ignored because ... Roger Stone. But then, on October 3, Assange announced that he was about to drop the good shit, and Boyle got all tingly in his down-theres.


Now maybe Stone knew what Assange had, and maybe he didn't.

Back in 2016, he certainly claimed to have a direct connection to the WikiFreak. But everyone knows Roger Stone is a congenital liar. Hell, just ask Roger Stone!

Mr. Stone has repeatedly said that he had access only to Mr. Assange's public statements and to secondhand information from journalists or other sources. If he implied that he had more direct sources, he has said, he was simply engaging in political hyperbole.

In an interview on Wednesday, Mr. Stone insisted he did nothing more than "posture, bluff, hype," based on WikiLeaks's Twitter feed and miscellaneous tips.

In any event, the Breitbart flunky raced to tell Bannon that Stone had the Wikileaks hookup.

And then Bannon thought fondly of times in the past when his down-theres got tingly. So after Assange made his first drop of Russian-hacked emails, old Steve reached out and touched someone.

Mr. Bannon then contacted Mr. Stone directly, asking for insight into Mr. Assange's plan. Notably, Mr. Stone did not tell Mr. Bannon anything that Mr. Assange had not said publicly. He did explain that Mr. Assange was concerned about his security, and he said in an interview that Randy Credico, a New York comedian and activist whom Mr. Stone has identified as his source about WikiLeaks, also gave him that information.

All right, look. We really, really wish we could get out of here without having to talk about Randy Credico again. He's this idiot radio guy who took a left off Progressive Highway and wound up on Wingnut Way getting thrown out of the White House Correspondents Dinner for screaming about Julian Assange. Credico and Stone are currently banging their botoxed foreheads together over who said who was the Wikileaks source, and who told who not to testify to the grand jury, and which of them is going to cause Mueller to quit in disgust first.

It seems pretty clear that Credico was talking to Assange's lawyers. It's also clear that he's more full of shit than a herd of constipated elephants. So, safe bet he exaggerated his own connections like a common Roger Stone. WSJ reports that Stone constantly pestered him for specific stolen Clinton emails, so Credico agreed to get them just to shut the old swinger up.

In another email, Mr. Credico then asked Mr. Stone to give him a "little bit of time," saying he thought Mr. Assange might appear on his radio show the next day. A few hours later, Mr. Credico wrote: "That batch probably coming out in the next drop...I can't ask them favors every other day .I asked one of his lawyers...they have major legal headaches riggt now..relax."

Mr. Credico said in an interview with the Journal that he never passed the message on to Mr. Assange or his lawyers, but "got tired" of Mr. Stone "bothering" him, and so told Mr. Stone he had passed along the message. Mr. Credico said he did so because he owed Mr. Stone a favor for helping him book Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson as a guest on his show.

(Gary Johnson? So help us, if this asshole makes us write about Susan Sarandon ....!)

It's also clear that Stone was lying when he told the Washington Post that he'd never had any discussion with Bannon about Russia. And when he said he'd never corresponded directly with Wikileaks or Assange, since he reached out to the Wikileaks Twitter account. If Roger Stone tells you today is Friday, seek a second opinion.

So, which of these self-important dumbasses is the real Slim Shady? The radio moron, or the ratfucker? Thoughts, NYT?

The two men, once friends, have fallen out over the dispute. In one text exchange in May obtained by The New York Times, Mr. Credico told Mr. Stone, "You are an inveterate liar everybody knows that," to which Mr. Stone replied, "You ain't exactly George Washington yourself."

WHO THE FUCK KNOWS? Mueller's interviewed Credico multiple times, but hasn't met with Stone yet. From which we draw no inference. Maybe Mueller is allergic to Stone's wig glue. Maybe the Marshall of the Supreme Court has a warrant for Stone already signed. Maybe this is a nightmare and soon we'll wake up.

We're having a really hard time believing that Roger Stone is the linchpin of any grand conspiracy though. For one thing, he didn't seem too interested in Assange's documents, reverting to the illegitimate baby story as soon as he got Bannon's attention.

But it wasn't a "C-4." Because ... Roger Stone.

Mr. Mueller's investigators have also delved into the operations of Mr. Stone's political organizations. Mr. Stone has said investigators are examining a nonprofit educational fund called the Committee for American Sovereignty Education Fund, which he said produced a film alleging that former President Bill Clinton fathered an illegitimate child, a favorite theme of Mr. Stone's.

The organization bills itself as a nonprofit social welfare organization that has been designated by the Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(4) group. But there is no indication in I.R.S. records that it has that status.

Which might mean that Stone solicited funds for a fake non-profit. Or it might mean that he never raised a nickel and was totally full of crap. Again.

Look, here he is doing just that yesterday at the Daily Caller in response to the Times story.

When Bannon's minion Matt Boyle asked me if what Assange had was "good" I replied it was, based on Credico's insistence the material was "devastating," "bombshell" and would "change the race." This turned out to be right, although — as I have testified — I never knew the content or source of the Wikileaks disclosures in advance
.
Bannon's animus toward me stems from a column I wrote for the Daily Caller arguing that he had outlived his usefulness in the Trump White House and should be fired. The next day, he was.

Bannon also told the Washington Post that the idea to bring the woman victims to the debate was his while the paper trail tells a very different story.

If the Grand Jury was told that either of my comments to Bannon were based on anything other than information I had already attributed to my source under oath or information reported publicly that day, they were misled.

Uhhhh, it's possible that this swollen can of Spaghettios may be a year or two past its sell by date.

What I am guilty of is using publicly available information and a solid tip to bluff, posture, hype and punk Democrats on Twitter. This is called "politics." It's not illegal.

See, Roger Stone can't be guilty of anything. It's okay, Mister Mueller, he was just lying all the time.

Take it from political Wunderkind and Dapper Dandy Roger Stone, who has the single best author bio of all time!

Bitch stole Wonkette's bio.

LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM ALL UP! THE END.

[NYT / NYT, again / WSJ / Daily Caller]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund your Wonkette! We pay attention to the Moron Squad, so you don't have to!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc