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Is John McCain Doomed By His Panamanian Canal Birth?

Maybe he would like to be president of Panama?Explosive reporting from the New York Times reveals that many millions of years ago, when the Army Corps of Engineers was busy separating North America from Pangaea, a little child was born unto Roberta and John McCain, Junior. This child, John Sidney McCain III, was born in the Panama Canal Zone. And because of this, he will never be president.


Just like Vermonter and secret Canadian Chester A. Arthur, John McCain is not a natural-born citizen. Of course, some experts would argue that this is fine because "natural-born" just means he was delivered the normal way, head first. Also, many wonderful foreigners have served as our president, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Kerry. In the end, what matters is that only people birthed vaginally in the lower 48 are qualified to be president. Just ask Ron Paul!

McCain's Canal Zone Birth Prompts Queries About Whether That Rules Him Out [New York Times]

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via Tyler's Twitter, because this is the best pic of him we guess

There have been several shining moments this week, as the public learned about and became OUTRAGED by Donald Trump's policy of grabbing migrant families by the pussy and tearing them to shreds. For instance, hello to all the lovely amazing lawyers and immigration nonprofits and regular old Americans raising millions in bail money for people arrested at the border! WE SEE YOU. Another shining moment has been watching airlines saying they are taking a HARD PASS on transporting little children out of their mommies' and daddies' arms and into the sky.

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What would you do for three million rubles and a lifetime supply of Burger King Whoppers? If the answer is "Have the baby of a random professional soccer player I met during the World Cup," you just missed out on the chance of a lifetime. Because Burger King Russia was just offering such a promotion, and has had to cancel it, because for some reason, people thought a "burgers for broodmares" promotion was a tad sexist.

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