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Is Tucker Carlson A Tiny Bit Defensive About His Balls-Out Racism?

Post-Racial America

This past Friday night, Tucker Carlson, a man who wears bow ties and whose stepmother is the gd Swanson's frozen dinner heiress, lashed out at all the "elites" who go around telling him that "diversity is our strength" without going into extreme detail explaining to him why that is.

Naturally, the "organized left" pounced right upon him with a bunch of E Pluribus Unum nonsense, even thought he was just asking questions about whether or not it would just be nicer and more cohesive to live in a country full of WASPs just like him. Did we want to have a deep, intellectual conversation with him about this, involving various quotes from dead philosophers and lots of very serious pontificating on man's inhumanity to man? Perhaps in a Paris café? No. We did not. We just wanted to mock him for being stupid, which is fair because he is stupid.

Carlson now fears that said "organized left" is going to rally and yell at his advertisers and get his show taken away, just because he was asking honest questions regurgitating white supremacist talking points. Thus, he has gone on a little bit of a Twitter rant all about how very unfair we have all been to him.

No one is telling you that you cannot have conversations, Tucker. They just don't want to have them with you. Both because you are repulsive and because you have nothing to add to this "conversation" that has not already been said -- and perhaps more eloquently -- by people on Stormfront.

The 1990s NBC sitcom "Dharma and Greg," for one, Tucker. Not to mention the fact that our military is actually a pretty good example of people from all kinds of different backgrounds working together for the greater good of rich assholes who profit off of the wars our country fights.

Well, Tucker -- that depends. I get along pretty well with my neighbors, actually. My neighborhood is mostly made up of Polish and Mexican immigrants, aging hipsters of all colors who mostly work from home or in the service/bar industry and didn't bother moving to Logan Square when that became the next cool Chicago neighborhood, and white yuppies who moved here with their babies thinking that it was gonna be the next Wicker Park, which never happened because it's not close to an el station. I love the Muslim guy who owns the bodega across the street, I love the Mexican immigrants who own the electronics store on my block and fix my laptop all the time, I love the many old Polish women who own and operate most of our best dive bars. The only people who ever cause a problem are the white yuppies who post panicked "WARNING! I saw a black man! He was walking down the street!" updates on our neighborhood Facebook page. The rest of us are all cool, and we all love each other and we love our neighborhood. Living in a neighborhood where everyone was the same and came from the same background would just be weird. If we wanted that, I guess we'd all move to the suburbs and live in some dumb gated community where people write passive aggressive notes about basketball hoops in driveways or whatever.

As for that "handful of tech monopolies" that we are supposedly "surrendering our freedom of speech" to? That is also some bullshit. No one needs to be on Twitter, no one needs to be on Facebook, no one needs to be on any of these platforms to have "freedom of speech." That is not what freedom of speech is. That is "freedom of people paying attention to you," which is not a constitutional right of any kind. You have the right to say anything you want, but you do not have the right to be listened to. You can stand on the corner screaming about socialism, but I don't have to personally go out and buy you a soapbox to stand on in order for you to have freedom of speech.

If you like, Tucker Carlson, you can go on Gab and say anything you damn well please -- and do so pretty much entirely in the company of people who are just like you. The reason you don't do that, however, is because other forms of social media offer you access to more people. If you want to have that access, which is a privilege and not a right, then you have to play by the rules. Moreover, were the lack of rules on Gab more appealing to the vast majority of people, surely, it would be more popular. As it turns out, no one is that excited to hang around with Nazis.

I don't know the answer to that, because at this point, I'm not even sure that we should remain a country. At times I fantasize about just letting all the little deplorables run free in Wyoming or wherever, where they can all be the exact same person in peace. But the problem here isn't people coming from diverse backgrounds, it's not people speaking different languages, it's Tucker Carlson and people like him who can't "hang." They are the ones trying to make it weird because they can't "hang." That's on them, not on us.

Because, much like "how do I be cool?" or "Where is the location of the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts?" the answer to that question is "If you have to ask, you'll never know."

If everyone else around you is going around managing to have "rational conversations" and you are standing around by yourself shouting that you are being denied this, you might want to consider that the fault lies with you. Additionally, that's not an honest question. It's not. It has an ulterior motive, and that motive is to promote the idea that there is nothing irrational about being a gross bigot like Tucker Carlson. It is to promote the idea that there is nothing inherently wrong with people who, like Tucker Carlson, just can't hang.

And even Tucker Carlson isn't dumb enough to buy that line.

[Twitter]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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