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Did Wonkette Murder This Strange Man's Assault Cane Business? He Seems To Think So!

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Way, way back in July, I wrote a post here about the "Patriot Cane" — a solid steel cane manufactured for the purpose of assaulting liberals at protests and bludgeoning anyone exercising their First Amendment right to set an American flag on fire. I don't think I ever thought about it again until this morning, when I woke up to find that the Patriot Cane guy was blaming that article for the failure of his business, and that several of his associates would like me, a snowflake, to go back to my safe space. I assume that what they mean by "safe space" in this context would be a place in which I am not in danger of being whacked in the head with a steel cane, and yes, I would like to be there. Always, if I can help it.

But I am not the only one to blame here. The Patriot Cane guy also blames conservatives who did not rally together to purchase his canes in massive quantities for the purpose of spiting me and the hilarious article I wrote here on Wonkette.


Yes, if there is one thing the Left does not do, it is infighting! We're known for it.

One of the responses to this tweet came in the form of a poem from a QAnon person, which I think is pretty special.


As much as I feel for anyone who has been laid off for any job, I cannot say that I would be sorry to see the Patriot Cane go, as I do have a selfish desire to not be hit over the head with a steel pole for not loving Donald Trump. What can I say? I'm delicate like that. I also don't really believe that a Wonkette post from July is the reason he has to lay anyone off — can't imagine there's really a whole lot of crossover between people who read us and the kind of people who would buy Trump-themed assault canes. Or that there were people who were going to buy a Trump-themed assault cane but then saw my post and decided against.

I would think perhaps his canes did not sell because "a cane with which to assault flag-burners and antifa" is just not a must-have item for most people. How big could the "people who go around picking fights with activists but also require a cane" demographic even be?

ANYWAY, this is now your open thread. Enjoy!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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