Who feels like a Friday Mueller Round Up? YOU DO, right? Okay, let's run 'em down. Here's the latest on what is either the biggest political scandal ever to hit this country or a TOTAL WITCH HUNT. You be the judge!

Michael Flynn, the Gift That Keeps on Giving

Yesterday, Judge Emmet Sullivan unsealed a Special Counsel Memo 'splaining what a good little helper General Flynn has been. He told Mr. Mueller ever so many interesting things about the Trump campaign's boner for Wikileaks, the transition team's secret outreach to Russians, and his own discussion of sanctions with the Russian ambassador. There was also this interesting detail:

The defendant informed the government of multiple instances, both before and after his guilty plea, where either he or his attorneys received communications from persons connected to the Administration or Congress that could have affected both his willingness to cooperate and the completeness of that cooperation. The defendant even provided a voicemail recording of one such communication.

Someone connected to Congress reached out and tried to convince Flynn to keep his mouth shut to federal prosecutors? Any chance that person is a sniveling little fake dairy farmer from California whose hobbies include frivolous litigation and ninjaing out of Ubers near the White House? Are you suggesting that Congressman Cowpat might have gotten a little manure under his fingernails here? UNPOSSIBLE!

Also ... How you livin', John Dowd? The Washington Post confirms that Dowd was the genius who left the voicemail reminding Flynn's lawyer how much the president loved and cared about his client and insisting it was his right to know what Mueller had on the president for the sake of national security.

Mueller's team noted in particular that, in November 2017 — after Flynn withdrew from his joint defense agreement with the president — Trump's "personal counsel," who was Dowd, left a voice mail for [Flynn attorney Robert] Kelner that urged him to give a "heads up" if they had anything that implicated the president. He added: "Remember what we've always said about the President and his feelings toward Flynn." In a later call, Kelner repeated that he could not share information with Dowd, and Dowd grew indignant and said he believed the president would be very displeased, the report said.

You remember Dowd, he's the one who looked like a walrus without the mustache.

Judge Sullivan continues to be PISSED, and the wingers continue to interpret this as a sign that he's just about to reveal that Flynn was set up by the FBI. Because glue is delicious, we guess. Sullivan ordered the release of Flynn's conversation with Russian ambassador Kislyak and the recording of Dowd's voicemail, so we should see them some time in June. He also ordered the publication of the redacted portions of the Mueller report relating to Michael Flynn.

No doubt Bill Barr will get right on that!

Roger Stone, Still Full of Shit

Roger Stone is still banging on that he needs to get access to unredacted Special Counsel materials so he can PROVE that the Russians did not in fact hack the DNC. Roger Stone needs to just stop already.


Pat Cipollone, Like Don McGahn, But Worse

White House Counsel Pat Cipollone is utterly un-shamable. Get a load of this asshole telling House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler that congressional oversight is illegal, but if the congressman can articulate a specific legislative purpose for his document requests, the White House will take it under advisement.

Congressional investigations are intended to obtain information to aid in evaluating potential legislation, not to harass political opponents or to pursue an on authorized "do-over" of exhaustive law-enforcement investigations conducted by the department of justice.

Under the circumstances, the appropriate course is for the committee to discontinue the inquiry discussed in the March 4 letter. Unfortunately it appears that you have already decided to press ahead with the duplicate of investigation, including by issuing subpoenas, to replace all the same ground the special counsel has already covered.

THE BALLS ON THIS GUY. Like the Constitution doesn't specifically grant the power to try the president for high crimes and misdemeanors in the absence of a Justice Department prosecution. Like Robert Mueller didn't expressly state that he wasn't exonerating the president because, "Congress has the authority to prohibit a President's corrupt use of his authority in order to protect the integrity of the administration of justice."

Chairman Nadler was not amused.

[T]he committee has the right — indeed the duty under the Constitution — to investigate these and other related circumstances. Recent developments indicate that the objects of our investigation as to both past and current actions are needed more urgently than ever. Both the Russian threat to our elections and the President's threat to the rule of law continue.

Against this backdrop, your sweeping claim that the Committee has no right to seek documents and information related to the issues investigated by the Special Counsel is unprecedented and unsupported by law, history and practice. The Administration's position that the president cannot be indicted by the Department of Justice, and that Congress cannot investigate him, effectively places the president about the law. That claim, like your demand that the committee "discontinue its inquiry," is inconsistent with the most basic principles under our constitutional system of government.

This will get uglier.

Bill Barr, the Hackiest Hack That Ever Did Hack on Fox News

Remember a couple of days ago when Bill Barr said, "It's Bob's call whether he wants to testify." Sounds like he's leaving the decision whether or not to appear before the House Judiciary Committee to Mueller, right? Surprise! Turns out he was lying out his ass! The Wall Street Journal reports:

Legal questions on how Mr. Trump's assertion of executive privilege would affect Mr. Mueller's testimony are central to the continuing negotiations, said the people familiar with the matter. The privilege claim could prevent him from discussing details involving Mr. Trump and his advisers beyond what is in the redacted report, the people added. The Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel is weighing the questions and is expected to provide guidance, officials said.

So, they're fine if all Mueller does is read his report out loud in the Senate, but he can't answer any other questions. Who could object to such a generous offer?

Bill Barr can't talk to the Judiciary Committee, but he can talk to Rupert Murdoch's various underlings at Fox and the Wall Street Journal. This morning he repeated his lies to Bill Hemmer that the US government spied on Donald Trump's campaign. As if a bog-standard, appropriately-predicated FISA warrant to figure out why the Russians were simultaneously penetrating our voting systems, plastering social media with anti-Hillary propaganda, hacking Democratic emails, and cozying up to the Trump campaign were analogous to FBI infiltration of Vietnam War-era protest groups. Yes, he literally said that.

Bill Barr know's that SOMETHING was wrong here, although can't say WHAT. He's just going to slime the entire Justice Department generally without specifying exactly what they might or might not have done inappropriately. No matter, because President Impulse Control is ready to lock the entire FBI up for TREASON.

JFC. That's all we got for today.

[ Flynn Sentencing Addendum / WaPo / Cipollone Letter / Nadler Letter / WSJ / WSJ, again]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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