It Would Appear Our Boy Conor Lamb Kicked That Republican Dork's Ass

Conor Lamb is just like you! He wears these pants!

Good morning, everyone! How's your democracy feeling? Ours is feeling very nice, thank you for asking!

Very late last night, dashing Democrat Conor Lamb became the "apparent winner" in the special election in Pennsylvania's 18th district, a district that is either VERY DEMOCRAT, if you listen to the head of the PA Republican party, or a district where Donald Trump won by 20 points less than two years ago and Republican Tim Murphy won by 28 points last time he had an opponent, if you listen to REALITY. It went very late into the night, and the Kornacki Poll Nerd Guy on MSNBC taught us more about the makeup of PA-18 than we ever wanted to know. The race tightened and tightened, erasing Lamb's early lead, which came from Allegheny county suburbs of Pittsburgh, and we had to wait for absentee ballots and blah blah blah, you know how election nights are.

Let's look at the New York Times vote count thingie, to see where things stand, with all in but 200 absentee ballots:


Pop quiz: Do your votes count, even if you think you live in a hopeless district/state that would never elect a Democrat, so might as well stay home and play with the toe jam in your belly button (you are gross) instead of voting? Fuck that noise, and let's have a round of applause for the 600-some-odd folks in PA-18 who got their asses to the polls for Conor Lamb and gave him that edge! And the folks who came out to make Doug Jones a senator in Alabama!

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Guess we should at least vaguely pretend to do some analysis of WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, JACK?

Well, Rexella! Couple things! First of all, it means we really do well when we don't infight or try to relitigate 2016.

One thing about Conor Lamb is that he doesn't quite fit the mold of either the Berners or the Hillghazi crowd. Like a lot of the Rust Belt/Northeastern Democrats who often find themselves on the more "Bernie" side of things (Massachusett's Seth Moulton, Ohio's Tim Ryan, etc.), Lamb is actually a good bit more conservative than the Nancy Pelosi wing of the party. (For real, look it up!) His first campaign ad featured an AR-15 (ugh, and we hope he cuts that shit out) and he's personally "pro-life," like a common Catholic, though he supports abortion rights. (He also doesn't support banning abortions after 20 weeks, so that's good.) He willfully threaded the needle during the campaign by cutting campaign ads to say he wouldn't support Nancy Pelosi for speaker, and by saying he would work with the president when it's good for his constituents. Is this shit annoying to us sometimes? OF COURSE.

(Also, to be clear: Support for abortion rights is and should continue to be a hard line in the sand. Period.)

Aside from all that, though, Conor Lamb, ex-Marine, every mother's dream (seriously, Pennsylvania Republican ladies on TV said that), really really really fits his district, especially when placed next to a great big bumbling idiot like Rick Saccone who flaps his arms a lot and probably smells like cat litter.

Some Republicans are acting like Lamb was the true outsider Trumpian candidate running against the gross porn-stache "Washington establishment" candidate Saccone, which is funny, considering that he's also big on unions, Medicare, Social Security, not helping Paul Ryan push your nana off a cliff to her untimely death ... you know, traditional Democrat stuff! (They are also saying Conor Lamb only won because he's fucking hot. No really, that is what the men on Fox News are saying. Really.)

Maybe in the Trump era, our tent is getting a bit bigger, and maybe we will have to have some good solid fights down the road -- when we have ALL THE POWER would be nice, don't you think? -- about making sure the national party continues to be the party of reproductive rights, of racial equality and equal protection, of LGBT equality, for the middle class, for the poor, and all that good stuff that makes being a Democrat worth it. And we'll make it through those fights, and we will still be all those things.

Sounds better to us than trying to negotiate with Louie Gohmert or Kevin McCarthy or Devin Nunes or any other rancid motherfucker in the current GOP caucus.

Here's what DCCC chairman Ben Ray Lujan had to say about what happened in Pennsvylania last night:

"These results should terrify Republicans. Despite their home field advantage and the millions of dollars outside groups poured into this race, Republicans found that their attacks against Conor, including their unpopular tax scam, were not believable," he said.

Republicans should have won this in their sleep with their dicks tied behind their backs. Instead, they are FUCKING LOSERS. Do you know how many districts there are in November where Trump didn't win by 20 points? A LOT. (Trigger warning on that link for "Cillizza.") Do you know how many districts Hillary Clinton won that are currently represented by Republicans? 23.

Blue wave comin', y'all.

Pennsylvania's 18th District won't exist in November, after the PA Supreme Court-ordered redistricting. As CNBC reports, Lamb will have to run again in the new 17th district, against Republican Keith Rothfus.

So we guess Conor Lamb will just have to kick his ass in November, oh well, all in a day's work.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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